Mystery date without eyebrows

After I killed a substantial number of mosquitoes, I saw the surviving mosquitoes have a meeting. As they huddled together, they whispered about how they planned to give me malaria soon.

How do I know they were discussing me?
Well, the next morning I woke up with several mosquito bites on my back.
That’s when I confirmed that they love to backbite me.

Anyway, a few day later, I bought hair remover from the supermarket.
The tube said it would do a clean-cut job of doing its job.
I needed to remove, without a trace, my floor-length beard before it was mistaken for a mischief of rats running in different directions.
I thus applied the cream with the spatula it came with.

Then, following instructions on its tube, I used the same spatula to scrape off the cream after five minutes. According to the packet, my hair was supposed to ‘come away’ with the removed cream.
Alas, nothing happened.
I still had more hair on my face than Moses in The Bible.
So I decided to apply the cream anew, this time a lot more.

Giving it another shot
I decided to leave it there for double the time I did before. This way, I would surely remove my unwanted facial hair.
However, it was late. So I dozed off with the cream still on my beard.

About an hour later, I sprang off my bed.
My chin was on fire, so I instinctively grabbed a towel.
Then I wiped off all the cream with it.
Moments later, I washed my face too.
Then I slept, still with more beard than face on my face.

But, in the morning, the facial hair started coming off.
I was ecstatic.
So I started singing in the shower like Mariah Carey as I no longer looked like Mariah Hairy.
After bathing, I toweled off my face first and then took care of the rest of me.

When I was done, I looked into the mirror and immediately noticed how surprised I looked.
Yet I had no reason to be.
So I stepped closer to the mirror and noticed something very disturbing: My eyebrows were gone!
Where were my eyebrows??!!??

After my initial perplex, I realised there had still been hair remover on the towel when I wiped my face.
Hence my eyebrows ended up on my towel as I stood there looking wide-eyed; without so much as a “Goodbye” from my dearly departed eyebrows.
I looked ridiculous.
My eyes were huge, like I was wearing magnifying lenses.

Yet I had a date to go on that day.
I didn’t know the lady.
Weeks before, I had called ‘customer service’ of a telecom company and she picked up my call. Then our auditory chemistry kicked in.
All told, all I knew about her was that she was a virtuoso of the telephone call.

Her voice over the phone was a silken caress of my acoustic awareness.
My ears would expand to studio headphones when I talked to her. That way, I could get an earful of her tuneful voice.
It fluttered upon the wings of love, that lovely voice!

She seemed to like my baritone voice, too. Otherwise she wouldn’t have consented to a blind date with me.
Anyway, I couldn’t cancel our scheduled date: eyebrows or no eyebrows.
We had really planned this day out.
Besides, there was a plus to having a face with no eyebrows: when I said “Wow! You’re so beautiful!” she’d believe it as my eyes were now twin editions of an exclamation point.

Seriously, with no eyebrows, I always looked wide-eyed and pleasantly shocked.
I took a seat at a restaurant for our scheduled date. Then I looked out for the lady in a red dress, the kind she said she’d wear so I could easily spot her.

Suddenly, I spotted her. And she spotted me, with my eyes bulging out of their sockets.
Then she walked over to where I sat.
As soon as she stretched out her hand to say “Hi”, my hairline became my new eyebrows as my eyes hit the roof of my forehead.
I was in genuine shock.
    
In fact, I was in fear.
I mean, this lady’s nightmarish looks belonged to a scary bedtime story. Her mustache and beard were like that bedtime story’s frightening special effects.
As soon as she smiled, her face, and limbs painfully crunched.

Then, her skin seemed to bubble as it grew hairy fur, which elongated into wolverine facial wool, as her jaws developed into KFC-devouring fangs.
On a sudden, a piano screeched loudly in the background as I got a distinct sense that I was in a horror movie.
No doubt, I was the black guy who would die first in that movie.

As my face contorted in fear, I noticed that she too got scared of my eyebrow-free face.
Basically, we both wished this blind date had left us blind because we simply couldn’t stand what we saw of one another!
Instead of running into each other’s arms, slowly, then quickly, we both ran for dear life!