Hers, his or our money?
Eugene Mugisha
There is no such thing as our money. Ideally, yes it should be our money seeing we are now one person and all, but practically only few couples have managed to achieve this level of balance that requires superhuman selflessness.
The workable solution would be to agree on terms, and have full disclosure on what is available for sharing and what isn’t. This clears the confusion when she finds out he bought a new car when she had wanted to use the money to buy a piece of land.
Benjie
I think there should be ‘our money’ and then ‘my money’. Because some of the responsibilities are shared, you cannot use the money in whatever way you are like. That means everyone has to pull in the same direction and do their bit.
But people have personal needs and pleasures that might not always need to be subjected to the whims of their significant others. As long as you agree on what your relationship obligations are and meet them, then the issue of my and our money should not be contentious.
Ivan Okuda
Well, I think every case should be treated on its own merits. So, it is one of those ‘it depends’ answers one can give. It is important to study and understand ones partner; paying keen attention to their trends, spending habits, value for money in the sense of ‘does she appreciate money, even for Bill Gates, doesn’t grow on trees?” If she is the type who will go to Guvnor and splash shs15m on Black Label just so she can be captured in the gossip pages of tabloids, then the money lines be drawn. The same is true for men. You can’t surrender your money to a man who will booze all night forgetting a kilo of sugar now costs Shs7,000.
Andrew Wallace
While the relationship might be a 50/50 commitment, your money most likely is not. Joining lives in the relationship is the easy part. Combining finances can be the messy part if not carefully done. So my take on this has always been- create a common pool (Joint account) where both parties contribute while maintaining personal accounts with your money that you can spend whichever way you please.
The joint account shows a shared commitment towards a common goal, requires transparency and mutual trust...things that will enforce equity across the different aspects of your relationship.
That said, we all see money differently and therefore this approach might not necessarily apply in your situation. Some people like to split the bill, some feel mandated to singly handle the bill. Other would rather drown than clear a bill. You need to figure out what works for you both, stick by it and don’t let your spouse subject you to a lecture of “Andrew says...”!
The guys
Ivan Okuda: 23, at University.
Benjie: 27, single
Eugene Mugisha: 29, the dating guru.
Andrew Wallace: 30, recently married.
