But this office lingo…

Imagine you are going to see someone at a certain office. You get to the office and it is still quite early, so you decide to use the washroom. A large sign says ‘Please flash the toilet paper after use’ and you are shocked at this outrageous request.

However, you were brought up to obey orders, so, eyes averted, you reluctantly lift your blouse in the general direction of the toilet paper roll. You walk away shaken, and a bit uncomfortable.
The receptionist arrives and asks who you want to see.

“Oh he’s seated on his desk,” she informs you cheerfully. This worries you, as it is greatly out of character for your friend. Why, you wonder, would he find it necessary to sit on his desk? Is it a form of protest, perhaps? You take a deep breath and enter, determined to avert whatever crisis may be brewing, only to find him seated calmly at his desk, working away!

Aha! It then dawns on you that to the receptionist, as long as your friend is seated somewhere in the vicinity of the desk, whether behind, beside, under or atop it, he is on it.

While you chat away with your friend, you happen to overhear the same receptionist lamenting that so-and-so is no longer with them, but she will do her best to ‘raise’ her. You immediately whip out your rosary from your handbag and thrust it into the face of the stunned receptionist, shouting and binding the evil spirits she is using to harness the dead from their graves.

You retrieve the holy water that you bought in Israel from your handbag and run frantically around the accursed office, sprinkling it on every object and person there, commanding the dead to stay dead and not allow anyone to raise them for any nefarious purpose.

It is only after they have wrestled you to the ground and pinned your hands behind your back for good measure, that you realise the poor receptionist only meant that she would try to contact the missing person, not raise them from the dead!

Office lingo can be very misleading!