Healthy living will kill us
My house help and salt are having a bitter quarrel. I don’t know what one said to the other but it must have been pretty unsavoury, considering the distance the two are keeping from each other. What usually happens is that the food in my house is severely undersalted. I dare not raise an official complaint in case the pendulum swings the other way and I find myself choking on oversalted food.
So my coping mechanism is this: I am always ready and armed with a salt shaker whenever the food arrives.
But just today there was a slight problem: the food was adequately salted! How was that a problem?
I had already salted it, so I ended up eating the equivalent of rice and brine. I am sitting here miserably waiting for the heartburn from hell that will arise from this terrible miscalculation. But this is not only a problem in my humble home. Everywhere you go, people are shunning salt the way lepers were in ancient times. You cannot even add salt to your food when you go visiting, lest you be looked at like a deranged criminal. It’s a vicious cycle, brethren. Food is cooked with insufficient salt because salt is the devil that causes hypertension. Okay, but now the undersalted food forces the person eating it to add salt, thus raising chances of the hypertension we were all trying to avoid in the first place. Goodness!
Healthy lifestyles are not without risk, you know. Take the latest craze of drinking water. We all know that we are supposed to drink one litre and more of water a day. I have a colleague who keeps a mini-tankard of water on her desk and sips it throughout the day. But did you know how this is affecting the environment?
More water intake leads to more loo visits, which leads to higher tissue paper use, which leads to increased demand for toilet paper, which means that more trees are felled to meet this demand. See?
Do not let me get started on certain dangerous forms of exercise, eg. jogging and cycling. We all know that Lucifer’s agents pose as ordinary-looking car and taxi drivers, and that the minute they see the innocent joggers and cyclists their intention becomes one: to eliminate these poor creatures. So why not stay home and grow fat? At least you’ll live longer!
