Mary Tumwikirize’s 25-year-search for her parents

Mary Tumwikirize’s father went missing when she was one week old. Three years later, it was assumed that Justus Tumwikirize, along with six of his colleagues had drowned in a tug boat on the Indian Ocean in 1988. Before his demise, Tumwikirize worked for Comarco Shipping Company in Mombasa, Kenya. His family describes him as brilliant and brave because he took on any risk. It was probably this bravery that led to his tragic and mysterious end. Tumwikirize says after six years with Comarco, her father was ready to relocate because he had received an offer from Uganda Railways and had started his own business in Uganda of building tugboats but his employer wanted to retain him. Following negotiations, it was agreed that Tumwikirize does one last job for Comarco. He had to transport shipping material from Comarco to another island. Although the equipment was heavy for a tug boat, he decided to do it so as not to prolong his stay at the company. That was his last job.

Tracing the family
Following her father’s death, Tumwikirize’s mother only identified as Julia who was 17 years old at the time and had two children decided to travel to Uganda to look for her in-laws. Tumwikirize’s parents welcomed their deceased son’s family and settled them at their home in Kololo. Soon, Julia’s lifestyle of partying until dawn irked her in-laws. They decided to let her go and start life afresh without the children. With that decision, Mary at four and her brother Moses at four years, lost the last of their parents.

Life without biological parents
Tumwikirize and her brother were adopted by Loy and Stanley Sabiti who enrolled them at Nakesero Primary School. “While in Primary Three, Sabiti passed on and it was during this time that I realised the people I was calling my parents were not my biological parents,” Tumwikirize says.
This realisation was confirmed a year later at a family gathering by their grandfather Festo Kibirigyi who told them that the Sabitis were not their biological parents and since their “mother” now could not cope; they would start living with their other uncle Ruhakana Rugunda. Tumwikirize says she remembers moving in with her father’s three brothers who were living in one house.
“We left Nakasero to study at Shimoni Demonstration School while staying at our uncles’ place in Luzira,” she recalls. She relates that life in Luzira was difficult as she had to take over the household chores. “After the chores, I would lock myself in the bedroom and cry myself to sleep,” Tumwikirize recollects.
The older she grew, life seemed to become increasingly difficult that she considered committing suicide while in Primary Seven. “One day, I locked myself in the house and took a packet of chloroquine but my uncles rushed me to hospital,” she recounts.
In the same year, my mother sent some men that I failed to identify to sneak me out of school since she wanted to run away with me but they failed. “Three men came and disguised themselves as my relatives who had come to pick me up. The headmaster of the school Mr Wasswa Musaazi realised that it was a shady plot to sneak me out and he sent them away,” Tumwikirize says, adding, “My relatives were annoyed with me and decided to take to a distant school where my mother could not trace me. I ended up at Bishop Kivengere Girl’s Secondary School- Muyebe in Kabale and my brother was taken to Ntare School,” she explains.
From the time she joined secondary school, Tumwikirize and her brother had no permanent place to call home. They would live with any relative whose home was available.

Joining university
Tumwikirize chose to study Journalism and Mass Communication at Uganda Christian University, Mukono which she thought would help her trace mother and find out what exactly happened to her father. “While at university one of my uncles’ wives introduced me to her workmate whom she insisted I had to date or else her husband (uncle) stop paying my tuition,” she narrates.
Tumwikirize got pregnant in her second year and gave birth to a son whom she named Joshua. Following the birth, the man abandoned them and she was forced to take a one year break from school and start work.
“ In 2010, to support myself and my son, I solicited funds from relatives which I used to rent two shops outside the university where I sold movies, managed a confectionery outlet and set up a games parlour.” The business helped her take care of her son, and pay hostel fees until she graduated.

Beginning the search for her parents
Despite the hardship she went through at university, her dream to become a journalist was not shattered. Tumwikirize joined UBC and believed it was supposed to be the stepping stone to get funds and maybe leads to help her in the search for her parents. She took on multiple jobs to help raise funds to start the search. “I was working concurrently at UBC TV, Bein TV Uganda and also acted in the Hostel series in 2011,” Tumwikirize reminisces.
“Around that time, I had a dream in which my father spoke to me and he only said two words; Comarco and Harrier,” Tumwikirize says. When she called her grandfather, he told her Comarco was a company that her father worked for but he did not know what Harrier meant. I searched the internet and found out that Harrier was the tugboat that was commonly used at Comarco shipping company.

Finding hope of her father
Later, the Daily Nation, a Kenyan newspaper wrote a story about how seven marines went missing when the tug boat sank. She got the address and contact of Daily Nation and started looking for a way to get in touch with the journalist who wrote the story. When she got in touch, they told her that the journalist had left the organisation. However, she pressed on and landed on an interview of Andrew Mwangura, the CEO Seafares Association in Momabasa.
“I called Mwangura and explained my situation,” she recalls, adding that he agreed to an appointment with Tumwikirize.
Last year, after securing travel documentation, Tumwikirize travelled to Mombasa and met with Mwangura who took her to Comarco Shipping Company. While at Comarco, she asked about what had happened to her father. “The company brought in people who had stayed at the coast for a long time and they knew my father although they said that he died,” Tumwikirize says.
After leaving Comarco, Mwangura showed her her mother’s favourite places and one of them was Kalindini, one of the first bars in Mombasa established in 1908. “Mwangura told me that my mother left Mombasa many years ago and was now in Malindi about 115km from Mombasa town,” she says.

The search resumes
Three weeks ago, she decided to go back to Malindi. “I went to Malindi Police Station and introduced myself and showed the policemen an old photo of my mother, I was not sure of her name because my grandfather told me she was called Amida but when she got close to the family she changed to Julia,” Tumwikirize relates.
While at Malindi Police Station, the officers discovered that her mother supplied them with water and she was known to them as Monica. The officers said they were expecting her at the station that same day at midday.
Since it was 8am Tumwikirize went to pass time in the vicinity and returned to the station a few minutes to midday. However, when she arrived, the officers told her, her mother was sick and unable to come. One of the officers called and told her they were willing to go and visit her at home. She accepted and they promised to be there as soon as possible.

The search yields
On that day, it was 25 years later as Tumwikirize reunited with her mother. When they arrived in Malindi, Tumwikirize says, she saw her mother who immediately recognised her.
“We found her alone in the house. We were lost in conversation for one-and-a-half hours when she told me that she had gotten married to another man after moving on from the loss of my father. She has a son who lives in London,” Tumwikirize adds.
Tumwikirize says she was overwhelmed by mixed emotions. She did not know whether to feel happy about meeting her mother or to get angry for being neglected all these years.

What next after finding her mother
Since the reunion, mother and daughter have been communicating by WhatsApp and video calls. “It breaks me down to know that there is someone who actually cares for me and checks on me,” relates Tumwikirize.