A single dad shares what his son has taught him

Ashley Paul Masajjage rides a bicycle with his son. This is one of the ways they have fun.

To a stranger, Paul Ashley Masajjage would describe himself as friendly, calm, respectful, kind, open-minded yet straightforward. Pretty much realistically, with Masajjage, what you see is what you get or can expect.

Paul Ashley Masajjage likes to describe himself as friendly, calm, respectful, kind, open-minded and straightforward. Many people perhaps see many things about him, and indeed when he showed up on television screens around the region in 2007, some approved him while others did not.
Masajjage graced the television screens as Tusker Project Fame (TPF) contestant for 2007/08. He currently is a visual merchandiser for Victoria’s Secret.

On his relationship
When I ask him if he is in a relationship, he says he is – with his son. He is separated with the mother of the son but they are friends. However, he begs not to dwell on what happened between them.

He adds, “I believe the most important thing is we both have a common goal which is raising our child the best we can.”
Their son is nine years old. He lives with his son occasionally. He mostly lives with the mother.

But he will give anything to spend time with his son.
As the “world” – at least the social media generation – marks Fathers’ Day today, many young families find themselves in a situation like this: single but with a child or two to care of and keep their dreams alive.

“We are always anxious to see each other. He talks and talks as I listen to every little detail of what happened from the last time we were together. And almost in every 10 minutes, he tells me he loves me so much,” Masajjage says of his son Ashley Kweza Masajjage.

This, Masajjage says, often makes him recall his childhood moments when his father only showed his love through actions, some stern. And unlike his father, he decided he would not only act but remind his son how much he means to him.

Love through song
Kweza is a typical boy who is always hooked on video games when it is his father’s turn to stay with him. When he takes a break from the video games in evenings, his father likes to take walks or ride around on bicycles with him
“I also take him for movies, but that is later after I have prepared him lunch,” he adds.

He recently did a song for him because he (the son) loves music too. They normally sing together as they chat about the character he plays while at school. He is a jolly child.

“We have both done an amazing job as parents in raising him. He is very independent, very responsible and prays,” he adds.

His lessons
He tips parents, particularly single fathers, arguing that how you treat your son will determine how he will treat the rest of the world in your absence.

“I grew up not able to tell any of my siblings that I love them. It sounded strange whenever I heard my friends telling their brothers they loved them. I could not imagine hugging my brothers or sisters or better yet my twin brother,” he explains.

But with his son, his attitude regarding that has changed. He can openly say it without any fear of judgment.

“To the single parents –especially fathers, please make time for your child or children. And make it count for both you and those children. No one said being a parent is easy.
People see pictures of my son all healthy, grown and happy but they can never see the hardship of raising a child in the picture.”

It is not easy but it is what parents do so he urges that it is important to take care of their families, adding that children should come first no matter what differences parents might have between each other.

He advises that it is important to first love children before exerting authority.
“Once they know that you love them, they will listen and learn whatever you teach them. Because they are used to your kindness, it will be easy for them to know they have upset you so that is how they will learn that whatever they did was wrong and will not repeat it.

Tips for parents
From Masajjage’s experience, he has taken it upon himself to pick a leaf or two to share with other parents.
Do not be too harsh.

“Let the children freely express their feelings. It boosts their confidence. Gently correct them when they are wrong,” he further advises, adding that involving them while making small decisions helps build their confidence and trust in parents.

Step out of your comfort zone and do charity. He also implores parents to once in a while take children to visit the needy, and explain why you are there and why you need to help and be kind to people.

The musician adds, “They may seem not to understand such things but trust me, they do. As a child, I vividly remember everything my dad did when he took me wherever he went.”

That the children understand more than we think hit him one day. Apparently, Masajjage always monitored what his son watched on TV most of the time. People curse or swear in every movie even on children’s cartoon channels. So whenever he heard this on whatever channel he was watching, he would ask him to flip channels.

“One day the same thing happened and he told me, ‘daddy I know you trust me and I would never use such language’. At that moment, I realised how grown and mature he is. All we need to do is guide and trust them,” he recounts.

Parent’s experience

Daniel Karunakuki, 43, divorced with his wife who left for him four children. He says being a single father is tiring, humbling and rewarding depending on how you approach life.
“In the last five years I have learnt, you are “the everything” parent.

You get all the tears, the joy, the tantrums, the hugs, the disappointments.” To be an appreciated father, Karunakuki believes you must sacrifice; work hard for their happiness and take part in their happiness.

“Imagine having to wake up very early to make breakfast, bathe the three young ones and prepare them for school and you have a work schedule that cannot tolerate late comers.”

On the part where they ask you about their mother, you ensure to take them out to meet their maternal relatives. In this businessman’s case, the ex-wife went abroad but keeps in touch through Skype and every weekend phone calls.

“I wonder what would happen if I was not tech savvy. This is because when we go out, they see other children with both parents, playing with their mothers. My children go ahead and ask about when their mother will return or when they will go to visit her.”

When they are on holiday, he ensures they visit a new spot to keep them distracted. Every single father should make time for their children. They will open up in case of anything. You must always have answers!