Now turn around and make love to your neighbour

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By  Stella Riunga

Posted  Sunday, December 8  2013 at  02:00

I think I should start carrying my ‘neighbour’ to church with me.
You see, we Christians are very interested in our neighbours-in the pews and rows where we sit in church. Those of the Protestant persuasion, especially, unlike our stiff-upper-lip Catholic brothers and sisters are most anxious to express love to these neighbours.

Once the opening prayer in church has been said, you exhale and get ready to sit down but alas! Pastor has a nasty surprise up his sleeve. “Now hug your neighbour! Tell them they’re welcome to church!” In my church, before this there is a session where we pray for each other. What follows is a personal encounter that a friend of mine had during this prayer, and the reason he never again went back to this particular church. I shall call my friend A and the church neighbour D.

Now, A is a good-looking bachelor with a good job. You can tell from the way he dresses and his cologne that he is not exactly starved for cash. This is important in order to understand the story.

A turned to D, an earnest young lady. She gripped his hands in preparation for a mighty prayer and he obediently closed his eyes-only for them to fly open in terror when he heard what D was praying for. A’s palms turned sweaty as he noticed her prayer made specific reference to him.

“Oh Lord I have asked that you send me a husband, a faithful, hardworking honest man just like the one here before me, a man such as this Lord, I have fasted and prayed for….” The longer she prayed, the harder she gripped his palms and before long A began to resign himself to the fact that they would leave that very church service as man and wife.

The end of the story is that A managed to escape- still a bachelor. And he never returned to that church ever again. He whips out the story every now and then though-especially when anyone asks him why he has not gone to church.

Lastly, you must be wondering at the curious title of this piece. Well, I just reckon that at the rate we are going, one day some over-enthusiastic pastor will instruct his obedient congregation to now “Turn around and make love to your neighbour.” Chairs will fall over as some flee and others gladly obey, capturing the less obedient in their amorous arms and the sounds of passion will pierce the air….