Chopper is liberation for speaker - Oulanyah

It is 31 years of NRM and on this public holiday, the members decide to play the pun with the day’s event.
Olanya: Bwana Theodore, I heard you were liberated from impending legal challenge of your re-election. Congs!
Mpuuga: Sounds very much like that for the Lwemiyaga man.
Ssekikubo: I like the liberation bit. You are very crafty, my friend.
Olanya: We of north are weaned on wit.
Munyagwa: Now that is witty indeed considering that a certain Odonga Otto was weaned on tears.
Fungaroo: And Anywar…
Olanya: Ah, guys, why go that way?
Ecweru: Admin, why don’t you liberate Otto from exile so he comes back to the group with something to talk about having returned from Gabon.
Ameru: Please don’t, this forum is not for babies. After he is liberated from diaper antics, we can have him back.
Franca: Ah, Musa, make that Libreville and Gabon.
Anite: Stupid.
Franca: I didn’t even mention your name, Eve. Anyway, did someone liberate your geography?
Anite: This is malice. Defamation. I won’t sit around and watch people drag my name in the mud.
Franca: My apologies if you read into it that way, but answer the question: Libreville and Gabon…
Lubwama: I found out the difference from Allan.
Ssewanyana: Yeah, at least I have liberated someone’s knowledge of geography and that makes me better than this NRM thing going on now.
Karooro: ‘This NRM thing’… you can do better than that. The Liberation Day is something the whole country is proud of.
Mwijukye: Now this will turn into a boring stuff. Mary, please don’t take the gloss away from this witty course. Keep the NRM praise-singing to yourself.
Abiriga: Ah, man. Loosen up.
Ecweru: Me, all I want is Otto back here. Admin?
Munyagwa: Oh, let me liberate him, but another member had opposed it. Let’s get a consensus first.
Lubwama: Consensus how when we can’t raise our hands while just using chats?
Ecweru: But you Kato! Consensus doesn’t mean show of hands. I am in. Anyone else?
Ogama: In.
Kibalya: In.
Franca: No way. The diaper is soiled.
Ssekikubo: In.
Fungaroo: I also think we first need to know if he has cleaned up his diaper.
Muhanga: What is wrong with these FDC guys? They are roasting their own now, eh?
Beti: Hmmm! Didn’t I tell you? I am in.
Mbogo: Keep him away, far away.
Obua: He says he is missing the group, so let’s get him back. I am in.
Latigo-Ogenga: Well, like the popular saying, it is better to keep one inside peeing outside than leave them outside and they pee inside.
Munyagwa: By majority consensus thus far, I exercise my admin powers to liberate Hon. Otto from his diaper and self exile back into the gloss and wit of this group.
[Munyagwa has added Otto]
Ayoo: Jesus! Did Munyagwa also study Law? All those words just to tap a few icons on the gadget?
Mbogo: But Otto studied Law, even Kayihura and Kavuma. What is special about Law now?
Amule: Looks like we have to welcome Otto officially into the NRM fold. Anyone seen his latest Facebook post?
Muloni: What is there?
Watenga: The man is fuming and foaming on Facebook over Besigye. He claims he has traversed all of northern Uganda and people are baying for Besigye’s blood over the Kanyamunyu thing.
Ecweru: Eh! Now I understand why FDC guys are not happy and want him kept far away.
Nsereko: Was he liberated? I mean, did NRM liberate Otto from FDC?
Munyagwa: Something smells like Otto’s granary was liberated, hence his latest Mwendaism.
Lubwama: What is granary and how does it fit into Otto’s tears and attacks on Besigye and Micho?
Muhanga: Not again. Can’t you say anything without involving outsiders?
Mpuuga: But Mwenda breathes in Yoweri and out Besigye. Not oxygen and CO2 like us.
Muhanga: That is his business.
Mpuuga: So is Otto’s.
Odonga-Otto: You, Munyagwa, we need to change Admin. We must liberate this group from a common street bully like Munyagwa.
Munyagwa: I see your diaper antics have not been liberated yet.
Fr Lokodo: But why and how did we get to chatting in derogatory manner like this? Diaper?
Otafiire: Who is this Lokodo? I’m enjoying the thread today.
Bahati: Long live the NRM. Finally Otafiire has been liberated from sleeping at a public function.
Ssekikubo: I am seriously surprised Otafiire is awake. Did he hand over the sleep baton to Gen Ali?
Moses Ali: I won’t warn you twice. Generals are discussing liberation of the country and you are here trying to pick up a fight with me using a phone?
Bahati: The interesting bit is that the country was liberated from Gen Ali’s group and now he is also partaking in the liberation.
Otafiire: These kids without umbilical cords! If you are unhappy, go and die. We shall embalm you. Simple.
Ssemujju: The real liberators of this country were purged and replaced with sardonic mustachioed jokers we have today. All they have done is liberate their granaries with public wealth.
Ayepa: Someone please liberate Nganda from himself. He moans a lot.
Mafabi: I’m more concerned that while my brother Katuntu is busy trying to liberate URA chief Akol and her cohorts from swindling of public funds under the directive of Parliament, we are doing the sickening thing of trying to buy chopper for Kadaga.
Oulanyah: Correction: ‘For Office of the Speaker.’
Kiyingi: Eh, you sound like saying ‘for Kadaga’ would alienate you from using the chopper.
Atiku: Oulanyah has worked tirelessly to liberate Parliament over the years with some squeaky bills. He deserves it.
Ikojo: Sure. Madam Speaker liberated the House from Kavuma’s stupid order. She deserves the chopper to show who is boss.
Ssemujju: But why do we have to squander public resources like that?
Oulanyah: Honourable members, Uganda is for us all. Why bicker over something that will solve our quandaries as an institution? Anyone of you can be a Speaker at any one time. Even tomorrow. We are liberating that office from the burden and all of us should be happy.
Mpuuga: Even that Kavuma fellow will want a chopper. Then next will be Tanga Odoi and Lumumba and before we know it…
Lumumba: Keep my name out of your mess.
Munyagwa: That Odoi fellow, I hear he now moves around with six armed military escorts, has he annoyed that many people already or is that ‘insecurity liberation’?
Mwijukye: I wish I were his guard though…
Fungaroo: Hahaha, and do what? Run berserk and liberate Ugandans from Odoi?
Muhindo: The people of Kasese are very disturbed. Our king remains in jail and we are talking of liberation, liberation… nonsense.

DISCLAIMER

This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.