Why fuss over Cuban doctors when we can import a lot more?
Jacobs Odongo Seaman
Ugandans are amazing. They are up in mock bewilderment that the government of 1986 is trying to import doctors, 33 years later. The same people who spent the whole week in jittery over a certain Wizkid’s concert appear short of memory. Do you all need Mr 1986 to remind you that he has been importing safety pins and plastic mugs since 1986? Surely, that would go against his revolutionary pride.
In 1986… sorry. Between 1986 and 1996, we should have caught up with Singapore, overtaken Malaysia and assimilated Rwanda. That is what the revolutionary ideal was but now even South Sudan has overtaken us in having more military generals, Rwanda is a nightmarish comparison and the only thing we have in common with Malaysia is that their MH370 airliner went missing years after our national career had gathered more dust than a village graveyard.
Besides exporting great doctors and forcing many others to flee for greener pastures to raise Diaspora remittances to the economy, Mr 1986 now can just import the best from Cuba. We don’t need our health minister flying to India just to plug her knees just because she riled local doctors and feared they would use power drills on her kneecap if she went to Mulago National Referral Hospital.
You see, Mr 1986’s visionary tact was at its best. As he pondered meeting the doctors’ demands, he saw in his vision nurses, teachers, janitors, and even mortuary attendants demanding the same. Humans are like birds; they see one take flight and they all do.
He reckoned that, with age limit things, salary demand wave was bound to hit the nation as civil servants know he is at his most vulnerable to giving in to any forms of demand.
Now that we can import mercenary doctors, there are a lot more we could import to make America pale in comparison to this Peril of Africa. Of course, top of the list is the presidency. The other day, his mouthpiece was busy tweeting images taken from God-knows-where and claiming it was Uganda, maybe he likes the idea of foreign being Ugandan. Like Ian Karma…
That is like killing three birds with one stone. First, Karma doesn’t know about overstaying a welcome. He serves and leaves. Secondly, he has helped the Botswana economy sparkle. Their Kayihura is rated the best in Africa, while ours is as good as the stains on the walls of Nalufenya. Thirdly, Karma doesn’t have a Muhoozi or Grace to glue on the seat.
He just did his thing solo, and now will leave with only his Palmela Handerson lover back to his retirement home. For us, we have spent a lot of resources discussing Muhoozi project and whether Janet can do a Grace Mugabe.
By the way, Mr 1986, as you export doctors and import mercenaries, why not export Muhoozi too? Like seriously, it will settle the nerves in this country. Who knows, your wish for age limit might be granted without you reminding us of how Israel, China and America have relied on aging politicians to weave economic magic wand.
Let’s also export Sam Kuteesa and import Ravi Karunanayake. The Sri Lankan resigned as foreign minister over corruption charges in an investigation of alleged irregularities in government bond sales. He maintained his innocence but resigned.
Now Kuteesa has not even bothered to defend himself. He just went about with the confidence of a commercial sex worker on Speke Road. This country needs ministers who take responsibility for their actions and step down.
Lest we forget, we need to import more criminal charges, specifically those that can be used to jail people who say anything negative of Mr 1986. The current charges in the country are tired, boring and being regurgitated like a ruminating cow. Disturbing peace of Mr 1986, what is that? Not fancy. Import grandstanding charges laced with Mukasa Mbiddeish legalese.
It will look dapper and more Cuban to be charged with “cockrastipae malaistation against en vista monkeydiosa.”
Don’t ask me what that means, I have run out of space.
