Losing your best friend to a relationship

When Aish Nalwoga jointed St Lawrence University in 2016, she hardly knew any one. It was an all quiet start that would eventually make her a loner of sorts until she met two course mates who would become some of the closet people she has met in her life.

Soon they were hanging around each other and most people would mistake them for triplets.
“We were so tight and each time one of us was missing it would raise hairs. Even some lecturers knew about us,” Nalwoga says with a beam that eventually fades into sadness.

For months the friendship continued to blossom and it would be ridiculous for anyone to think there would be anything that could come between the three girls.
“We were happy and everything seemed okay. We hang around each other and spent much more time together than we could spend with any other person,” she says.

However, unknown to Nalwoga, things were beginning to change little by little as one of the girls or both started spending time away from the circle.
“There was one I was closer to and every time she would disappear I would feel as if she had gone with a part of me. I would even feel lonely and jealousy. That is how deep the friendship had grown. But I would not prevent any of them from being away,” she says.

Bombshell
Unknown to Nalwoga, her friends had got into relationships that seemed to have taken away the friendship.
“They had completely disappeared. Even in lectures they were so rare. I had now grown inquisitive and my classmates had started talking,” she says.

What is intriguing, Nalwoga says, was instead of feeling happy for them she started getting jealous.
“For one, I may say from missing her I turned jealous as our random, silly conversations and jokes that we only shared by us were no more,” Nalwoga narrates. She says her friend was now in a relationship that seemed very much alive, although she first denied that she was dating someone.

It got worse as days went by. “You go from seeing that person almost every day, to maybe once in a while with less to talk about,” she says.
Jane Nafula, a former student at Kyambogo University, says feeling rejected by a friend you have had so much to share with is a sad feeling, especially among girls who seem sensitive to just about anything. But she counts herself lucky to have survived that experience.

“During my time at campus all my friends were in love relations but I did not lose a glance of them at any one point. They we always there when I needed them,” Nafula recalls. “Their boyfriends would once in a while take us out unless the outing was dedicated to girls only.”

Isaac Nteede, a student at Cavendish University, says the feeling of rejection is a mindset.
“I have best friends but I do not think I have lost them simply because they are spending time off with their girlfriends,” he explains, adding that the problem with some people is that when they fall in love they focus only on that, rendering other things useless.

COPING WITH LOSS
Grace Namuddu, a counsellor, says knowing how to handle the situation is the only way out.
“There is nothing wrong with you. Thinking that there might be something wrong with you is not right since we all desire to be loved and cared for by our friends.

Better still, do not think about letting those thoughts consume you. You’re not the one who has changed; she has. Give her space if that is what she will notice.

Just keep in mind that you are still the genuine friend she will always turn to when things take the wrong direction.
I would prefer for you to talk about the issue. At times one may not see that they have changed, thinking all is well,” she advises, adding that if you want to confront her, give yourself some time to think things through.
“Make sure what you have to say is coming from a place of love. You don’t want to completely end your friendship.”