Sunday humour : After the telephone call, Museveni for WhatsApp

An eventful week turned cold. At one end of a stick, the President pulls off what has gained global mimicry. Seeing how the world turned on its head to produce memes of the President making that roadside call on his mobile was indeed some spectacle.
At the other end of the stick was police clobbering innocent Ugandans. I was still in this reverie when I received a text from my former aide, Nairo, saying he had been tapping me on WhatsApp and Facebook chats without success.
Well, I had been on the floor attending to the swearing in of ex-officio members so my mobile data was turned off. I activated the thing to a flurry of messages. Nairo and whatever else he was earnestly seeking from me had to wait, the Yello! WhatsApp group came first.
Okello: Did the Deputy Speaker explain the absence of some of the ex-officio who did not turn up for swearing in or did I miss something?
Oulanyah: Not everyone without beards is a boy. Just go to China and you will see.
Mbogo: Eh, Deputy Speaker, you know how trips to China make our party leaders fight like they are related to Salva Kiir and Riek Machar of South Sudan.
Lumumba: Hey, not again! Those lies were sorted. It was just a misunderstanding.

Todwong: Indeed!
Kasolo: But what did Deputy Speaker mean by beards and China in relation to some ex-officios missing the swearing in?
Mbogo: Just comedy, I guess.
Mutebi: It’s funny when Kasolo and Mbogo are active. Those are ex-officio names!
Oulanyah: I meant there are things you have to explain, but some are predictable.
Bahati: Deputy Speaker means that while we can be seeking explanations for Al Hajj’s absence, Otafiire’s is just like the colour of milk.
Nsereko: Aye, he was sleeping.
Lumumba: Are you guys insult-resistant to continue goading Gen Otafiire all the time?

Bahati: This is not goading, last time he was being retired from the army, even the pips meant for his rank went to sleep.
Rugunda: The disrespect on this forum will be the death of me.
Ecweru: Methinks Gen Ota just dodged so he wouldn’t be reminded that he was now a mere ex-officio having lost to Kahonda.
Nsereko: Makes sense. The Omoro man did not go easy. I’m sure Ota avoided a scenario like Hannifa’s treatment.
Kutesa: Address the Deputy Speaker by his proper title. The disdain is unbecoming.
Anite: How about adding the President to this group or at least his aides so members can be wary of what they say?
Ssekikubo: This is a privileged group for serving legislators and ministers. Allowing some characters on this forum is not welcome.

Anite: So you call the President a character?
Ssekikubo: Do I owe this one an explanation? People like Kagingo and Mirundi are characters.
Rwamirama: Mirundi is no longer with the Presidency. He just spends his time hopping between cow hoof joints and radio stations.
Nantaba: Be careful, you don’t want Mirundi peeling off your skin with his tongue.
Rwamirama: I am not Tanga Odoi to be bashed by a person like Mirundi into submission.
Tanga: A good tree only gets stronger the more it is hit by wind.

Tumwebaze: I am in support of adding the President and First Lady.
Ecweru: Well, from what I keep seeing, allowing Mzee to join won’t be a bad idea.
Muhwezi: Now Musa, what are you claiming to see?
Ecweru: That Nokia he uses that requires him to stop on a highway just to get proper network, such a phone can’t be compatible with social media.
Abiriga: Who says he has only one phone?
Nankabirwa: I am adding the President.
Nsereko: Over my dead body.
Kivejinja: Look, son, last time they threw you out of State House but this time you will be shown the wrath of suppressed anger.

Karooro: Sincerely, how can you invoke such a thing as if you invented WhatsApp?
Ecweru: If you add Mzee, how will Otafiire be uttering those careless expletives?
Anite: Otafiire uses his own phone.
Otafiire: Otafiire, Otafiire, Otafiire... why don’t you guys just name me your king?
Bahati: Here he comes…
Muhwezi: You guys should go and earn your pay. The incident of police clashing with Besigye goons should be on House agenda.
Nsereko: Muhwezi should be removed from this group.
Nabakooba: Police used reasonable force to contain what would have turned nasty.

Ssenkumbi: I agree. At least we didn’t use tear gas this time.
Nsereko: Sounds like someone has run out of tear gas. My guess is IGP will have himself summoned to Parliament to explain police conduct and use that opportunity to negotiate more funding for his thugs.
Kutesa: How does one call police thugs? Like Muhwezi said, let’s invite IGP and condemn the actions of police. This will pacify the masses.
Ecweru: But Muhwezi last time claimed he had soaked the media in his armpit.
Bahati: Muhwezi was thrown out together with his threats. Even court did not extend the ban on defiance campaign.
Nabakooba: We should move swiftly and commend police for managing Besigye goons without wasting public resources.
Nsereko: Someone wants to be Internal Affairs minister, but it’s already late.

Kania: Nabakooba, you left Police. Serve the people.
Mbogo: We need facilitation to consult constituents on how to reprimand police.
Kutesa: Who is this imposter Mbogo?
Mutebi: Kasolo’s playmate.
Muloni: Hahaha!
Nsereko: The billions wasted on Spe could have gone into facilitating Mbogo and his cronies.
Ecweru: Kutesa, help us understand why we tried to take valley dam scandal to the continent like that.
Bahati: Even the gods could not allow it to happen, but the billions of Shillings wasted…

Kutesa: That was little money if you knew what such a position would mean for the country.
Tumwebaze: Exactly. But all is not lost. We have to time to return to the drawing board and project our candidate in a manner that she will win.
Mutebi: It’s been bad week for our Basoga friends. Perhaps they should take cue from Speaker on visiting that hill with camera crew in tow. Nabeta is whimpering like a cat left to die in rain.
Kivejinja: This is unacceptable. Instead of consoling him and staying with the party for a way forward, we are seeing mockery from members.
Ecweru: Mr Nabeta, say something.
Okello: Admin should respect court decision and serve a Nabexit
Nantaba: You guys are too brutal.
Mutebi: Yes, Nabexit, it is.