Friday February 17 2017

How a fumble in the dark reunited these estranged lovers

Salim Ibrah Mugoya and Sandra Nyangoma hug

Salim Ibrah Mugoya and Sandra Nyangoma hug after receiving a Valentine’s Day surprise gift from Dembe FM last week. Courtesy photo 

By Atangaza B Carolyne

Sandra Nyangoma has that tell-tale glow of a loved up woman. She smiles a lot and when she talks about her relationship, she sounds like someone who has been to the frontline and was lucky enough to live to tell the story.
Indeed the beautiful mother of three is a veteran of the battlefield that romantic relationships can sometimes turn out to be. By average standards, she and her man, a construction worker Salim Ibrah Mugoya were a well-off couple.

“We were living in a two bedroom self-contained house in Luzira and we could afford luxuries such as pay TV, which turned out to be our downfall,” says Nyangoma.
She became close with the neighbour’s wife who had a passion for Nigerian movies who quickly became a regular in the couple’s sitting room. Nyangoma says: “At first the arrangement was fine, we would all watch TV and she would go back to her home. But after a while things started changing; she started flirting with Salim who did not discourage her. I voiced my concerns but he either ignored me or told me that I was just mentally disturbed.”

The more Nyangoma suspected and accused her man of having an affair with their former friend and neighbour, the more the “couple” flirted openly.

“It reached a point when she would come and sit next to Mugoya and start making nuanced comments. I could not take it anymore. So I got my children, packed my belongings and left,” Nyangoma explains.
“I was so shocked and hurt by my wife’s accusations. I do not know where she got the idea that I was cheating on her with our neighbour. The more I tried to explain how unfounded her suspicion was, the worse things became. I was tired of the senseless fights so when she said she wanted to leave, I felt it was for the best although I was heartbroken. The worst thing she accused me of was that I was wasting our hard-earned money on the woman,” Mugoya says.

On and off affair
Shortly after Nyangoma left her marital home with their two children, Mugoya got a contract that took him out of Kampala for two months. So he locked up his home and left.
“When I came back, I found that Nyangoma had returned but at this point I was still smarting from her accusations so I moved out and got myself another place in Kilombe. After I had cooled off, I tried to rekindle the relationship but she showed me that she had lost all interest. Her attitude made me lose hope, I even deleted her number from my phone,” explains Mugoya.
Almost a year later, Nyangoma fell sick and was in dire need of help so she turned to her estranged lover who was gracious enough to respond. “That night she called and I could tell that whoever was on the line was in terrible pain. I later learnt it was Nyangoma so I brought her the money to go to hospital as fast as I could. We did not talk much but I hoped that this could be the beginning of our reunion.”

Nyangoma, however, remained firm in her decision. A few months after that, Mugoya lost his brother and called Nyangoma to notify her. “She sounded very sympathetic and told me she would leave immediately for the village where the burial would take place. I tried to convince her to travel with me but she refused.”
“During the vigil, Mugoya tried to engage me in reconciliatory talks but I kept dodging him. I remember at one point he even suggested that we go and sleep in a hotel in the trading centre but I turned down his offer.”

Rekindling the love
Not to be dissuaded, Mugoya devised a plan so simple yet so genius and it worked. “The following night after people had slept, I woke her up and said I had a running stomach and needed her to accompany me to the latrine which is a bit far from the home. Looking really concerned, she got up and came with me. When we had walked some distance away from everyone, I told her that what I really wanted was to make love to her. At first she looked angry and threatened to walk back but I pleaded like my life depended on it. After a long chat, she agreed and right there in that darkness, we made love. But after that she told me that that did not change anything.”
And true to her word, Nyangoma did not contact Mugoya until two months later when she realised she had missed her period for two months which was unusual for her.

“I was so confused and emotional when I consoled my ex-lover by sleeping with him at my late brother in-law’s vigil but I did not expect to get pregnant. I felt blindsided by the unplanned pregnancy. I called Mugoya and told him that I was planning to have an abortion but he begged me not to do it,” Nyangoma recalls.
Mugoya promised her he was ready to take all responsibility and pointed out that this could be Allah giving them a second chance to be a family. After all considerations she decided to give it a try because deep down she still loved him.
Mugoya and Nyangoma reunited and had a baby girl and say they are happier than they had ever been even with the fact that he has another woman.
“I got a second woman when Nyangoma left me, I could not stand the loneliness. But I have learnt to balance my time between them. Nyangoma is the love of my life. There is nothing I cannot do for her and there is nothing humanly possible I would not have done to bring her back,” Mugoya asserts.

How to win back lost love

Nothing hurts like losing the one person you love. If you are going through such a period, remember nothing is ever lost for good.
People break up and make up all the time. Here are a few tips to win back the love of your life.

Give them some space. The very first thing to do is to give your ex some space, chasing them will push them farther away.
So take a break, quit communicating, and walk away from the situation for a while.

Promise to change. Resolve to change your old ways, and communicate this to your ex.
Listen to what they have to say. Effective listeners make other people feel appreciated and respected, and this is how you want your ex to feel.

You have no control. Understand that you have no control over your ex’s decisions. Be satisfied with knowing that you have done all you can do no matter what your ex decides.

Give gifts. Gifts and surprises can be a great approach to winning back your love only after proper groundwork is laid.