Thursday January 23 2014

I’m no match-maker but here’s how you hook up wife material


By Mike Ssegawa

“I have pursued a girl I love in vain, but I am surrounded by those I don’t desire,” Peter told me over a cold beer one Sunday afternoon. Sadness, and frustration were clearly written allover his face.

If you have ever had your eyes on a girl you thought was wife material but was playing hard to get, you sure know the feeling.
For Peter, a businessman, Vicky is a brilliant young woman who has eluded him for more than 10 months now. I am no guru in match-making, but he insisted that I arm him with a skill or two that helped me get Mama Sheba into my nest.

Peter met Vicky at a friend’s wedding. He was struck by her confidence, beauty and brains. She had just made her speech on behalf of the choir members when he walked to the 6ft, chocolate beauty to congratulate her. Later in the night, he asked for her phone contacts. She declined.

That, however, motivated Peter to attend the Jinja Road-based church where he became part of the choir. She remained non-committal. She treated him well, but, didn’t show him a green light. She turned down his coffee offers – and never accepted his lifts. But they talked like acquaintances.
He thought she played poker with him because he was a work in progress.

To knock her off, he opened an account at a bank where Vicky worked. He deposited money but did not withdraw any even if it meant sleeping hungry.

Once in a while, he went to the bank and asked Vicky to help him get his bank statement “because it was needed at the Thai embassy”. Vicky was not moved. He should have known that not all girls can be slipped into the bedroom with cash. This is the kind of girl every man wants. Peter became more obsessed. Every day he felt so close, yet he was so far, almost throwing in the towel. That’s when I had to come in.

Warning: This only applies to men like Peter who are serious.
Let’s face it. It has been wired in women by evolution that men are after sex. Girls’ radars are wired to arrest these kinds of men. When it comes to choosing or accepting a suitor, a woman will look for a man with pure intentions. That is the man who gets his ball past the goal line. That is why you need to disguise your intentions.

“Don’t betray your intentions when you first meet a girl,” I told Peter. You have seen stupid men hissing at women, others buy gifts and force them down the ladies’ throat or propose marriage the day they meet.

Since Peter had exposed his game, I told him to lose interest in Vicky immediately. He did, albeit grudgingly.
Most women need men for friendship while most men want women for lovers. I advised Peter not to concentrate on the other girls in the choir or bank. However disciplined a girl is, she will get jealous of attention being diverted from them. I told him to hug the girls like it was the last time. It worked.

Vicky thought Peter was a confident man who would do what he wanted. For a woman, confidence means security and protection. Vicky started acting jealous whenever Peter was with the other girls. The more popular he became with the girls in the choir, the angrier and anxious she became.

That is when I told him to hit the iron when it was still hot. “Muscle your one time courage. When she passes around you while you are in the group, call her name and announce to the group that Vicky is the most beautiful woman you have ever met. And that you love her.”
That is what they call a coup - forget Riek Machar. The “embarrassment” sent chills down her spine. She still talks about it.

Peter won the game. He adores Vicky, respects her and rubs her in the face of his friends. They wedded last December and I’m the only person he does not want around Vicky. He has his good reasons.