Dear Heart to Heart, I have been married for 13 years but I am at breaking point because of my husband. He claims to be a pastor but is not attached to a particular church. There is one church that I know gave him money on two occasions but he did not buy anything at home. The same church also paid for his university studies but he quit before finishing. I am now suffering with offsetting many of the debts that he accumulated along the way. What can I do? Anonymous
Maco Alpha. You are an insensitive woman. For all these years and this is the time you choose to start doubting your husband? That man has no problem, you do. You are unsuitable for him and I think you should leave.
Lupai E. Henry. If he truly is your husband and you have doubts over him being a pastor then he is not. Pastoral responsibilities are not confined to the church walls. It spreads beyond that. One qualification for a pastoral office is that a man be responsible for his family and leads the family well. You cannot hide this. Your husband is a conman and unfortunately there are many like him nowadays.
Buddy Buddy. If you doubt he is a pastor and you have been married to him for 13 years then he is probably a conman. Find a way of getting the truth out of him.
Agnes Dedya. You should take some of the blame here. You have been married to this man for 13 years and you seem not to know him at all. How can your husband go out everyday claiming to be a pastor and you have no idea where? You mention a church that paid his school fees and gave him money but you do not seem to even know where it is located. This should have been your first point of contact before even asking for advice from anyone else. Show more interest in what your husband does and maybe he will open up to you.
Melvin Nasasira. The question should not be ‘What can I do?’ because you know what to do. You should only be asking how to leave him.
Oipro Ramsey Kings. No one knows your husband better than you not even his parents. If you doubt him then something is really wrong. I am worried that this is going to escalate into something very bad that will end up hurting you and the children if any.
Okot Bosco Elwisky. Just leave him or report him to police, otherwise you will continue living your life in doubt. You might be dealing with a criminal.
John Minyuka. If you do not trust a man, how do you stay with him for all these years? Tomorrow you will come up with another lie just so you can tarnish his name. Your motives are very questionable and I think you have found another man the reason you want to get rid of this one. Marriage is not a bed of roses so please settle your issues and stay in your marriage.
Mpagi Moses. It is so sad my dear but fake pastors and prophets are many nowadays as the Bible says in Revelation. I think you should not pay the money because you are not the one who used it. I also believe that every pastor must have a church where he practices his pastoral work. Just sit with him and ask the name of the church he prays from or its better you go back to that church that paid his tuition to ask more about him.
Phoebe Miriam. I also hate briefcase pastors. They are good liars. For how long will you keep offsetting debts and caring for such a lazy person? He did not complete his education meaning he cannot find employment. Sit him down and talk to him. It is possible you are not even his only wife! Get to the bottom of who he really is. If he cannot reveal his true identity, then end the marriage.
Nsamba Ronie. Be strong and pray to God for change.
Rwacumikwa Rwija. Have you told or asked GOD what to do? Pray and fast. Do not depend on man depend on GOD.
Ngenda Makuyuya. That is the reason I am still thinking which church to go to. There are so many contradicting stories about churches and pastors that you start questioning their motives.
Mwesige Steven Akiiki. I thought you are supposed to go to the same church with your husband. If you did, you would not be having doubts of where he ministers.
Ali Male counselling
psychologist at A-Z
He should take responsibility
Dear anonymous, it is disturbing to have a husband with personal growth and discipline issues especially as regards to finances and social responsibility. Have you spoken to him about how he spends the money? As a couple living together, you must know how he spends the money or he will continue doing it irresponsibly because he knows there is someone who will clear up the bill.
Have a broad discussion about the finances and ask him to be open about the expenses and incomes as well the money he may have borrowed. Let him be responsible for his own actions but of course with your support.
Although you do not tell us the kind of job he does, settling the debt may just not be enough for him. As a wife, you need to support him and help him find a job that will sustain him because if you do not, he will continue doing the same thing.
You need to understand that it is a woman who can best grow a man’s psychology over time. You can instill in him the skills of patience, commitment, teamwork and growth. Most importantly, engage a therapist if he is okay with it and pray.
Compiled by Beatrice