The kigozis’ 16 years

How and when did you meet?
Mark: We met at Watoto Church, then KPC, in 1995. I was in the church ministry as a youth leader. We started to interact closely when I became the youth pastor.

What keeps you happy as a couple?
Maureen: We work together. We do not split or do things separately.
Mark: We have grown to be friends. We talk every day and we are together most of the time. The biggest challenge is that couples work differently and come home at different times. What keeps us happy is that we interact with the same people, but above all being Christians of the same faith and loving God has also bonded us.

When you got married, did you plan to have children immediately?
Mark: No. We agreed that we would have children after a year. After this period, there were lots of expectations from people for us to have children.

And your families, wasn’t there pressure?
Mark: People were always asking what was happening. Of course, questions were there because people were always inquisitive. But I turned them off nicely. When a situation is beyond your control, you find a way of getting over it. We had to just tell people that at the right time, God would provide a child.

Mark, did you feel any pressure to send Maureen away?
Mark: Why would I? I do not think I came into marriage expecting to have children straight away. It was not on my agenda. I loved this girl, and even if we did not have children, I was still happy. That is why we stayed together for 12 years before we had our first biological child. We felt we wanted to minister to someone else before we waited for our own.

Maureen, did you get criticised by your family?
Maureen: My family, no. They just kept encouraging and praying for us because I had and still have a very loving family, so they would not do such a thing.

How many children do you have so far?
Mark: We have one biological child and three adopted. We do not intend to have more biological children because the time is gone. Right now, there are other priorities.

Do you share house chores?
Mark: Yes. There is nothing she does that I cannot do. I cook, mop the house, shower the children, wash dishes and take them where they are supposed to go. We do things together and that bonds us.
Maureen: When you are a family, you work as a family. There is nothing like; “Mark is a man or I’m a woman”. Some children we adopted and looked after are doing the same in their marriages because they saw Mark doing the same. Most people see work as a burden because they were always beaten to work at home.

How do you deal with conflicts in your marriage?
Mark: Differences are always in our faces but we pretend they are not there. But to prevent them from occurring, you have to appreciate the kind of background your partner comes from. You have to help one another develop a character of appreciation. If you do something wrong, say “I’m sorry”, rather than criticising. Desist from using words like “you” and calling names. Some men don’t talk and women always want to speak out. Say something without pointing fingers.
Maureen: We communicate, never judge, never criticise or label the person. Understand why something happened and find time to sit and talk through issues. Work and take steps to grow yourself, and accept each other the way they are.

What is the worst fight you have had as a couple?
Mark: I do not know if we have had any bad fights, but there are recurring things we keep reminding ourselves about.

What’s the biggest challenge you have faced as a couple?
Mark: Transitioning from what we were before to what we are now. Then, we worked under someone’s eye but today, we are doing something more interesting. We stepped up the plate and it’s the greatest source of fulfillment we can ever find.
Maureen: It’s been adventurous. I can laugh even in face of challenges but at the same time, look for ways to face it, and enjoy it.

How would you describe Mark?
Maureen: He is jolly, funny, focused, a visionary, hardworking and sometimes a comedian. He is also calm, forgiving, tolerant, and patient and he is also a people person.

How would you describe Maureen?
Mark: She can be reactive, outgoing, fun loving, sensitive and looks into details, something I do not do. She is supportive and has a motherly touch with whoever she meets.

What didn’t you like about Mark when you met?
Maureen: He takes his time because sometimes he takes long to think about some things. I can be demanding when I want results but I learnt how to slow down. Sometimes I feel bad but later realise that there is wisdom in taking time.

What do you think of marriages today?
Maureen: They are non-committal. People have failed to build through processes, and so they find a lot of heat beneath, and that is why you find someone saying “I can’t stay with so and so with such characters”. People do not build friendship, because everyone is always looking out for someone who is perfect.

What is the right time for someone to get married?
Mark: When they are not too young and not too old.
Maureen: One should first focus on maturity. There is the foundation age between 18 and 23 where there is a lot to learn, like budgeting. At that age, someone still needs their parents, confides in them and is not secretive. Once you do not lay a foundation during this age, you will never grow. Someone needs to put in a lot of time. If you find someone you love during this age bracket, get a mentor or parent to seek guidance. You need to grow emotionally, spiritually, mentally and also grow your emotional intelligence. If you work on this, then you are ready for marriage.