Fixing yourself for 2015

One of the biggest things I learnt in 2014 is something I would like to pass on to you dear reader (I am not sure I like the phrase “dear reader” but I cannot find something more appropriate!). This lesson was not planned. As I began last year, I was looking at working on various things, such as setting up our small kiosk, helping our daughter ease into primary school, and the usual number of things on my to-do list every year, do better in my marriage, work, home etc.

Along the way however, I started to realise that if I wanted things to change, or get better I needed to look at myself first – my motives, my attitudes, my weaknesses, my strengths and my thoughts. I saw that if I worked on myself first, it would be easier to deal with the rest. Now, although it seems easy enough to deal with one’s own demons, as compared to with dealing with another person’s, trust me, it is not. But once you start, you will begin to understand the importance of it.

So here are some things to consider. Do you want your marriage or relationship with your partner to be better this year? Then look at yourself before you look at him or her. What things did you do wrong last year, whether provoked or unprovoked? Could you have prevented yourself from doing them? What good things did you do last year? Can you continue with those? Think of your partner.

How do they want you to treat them? Can you start slowly but surely? Can you cook him a meal at least once a month? Can you remember her birthday and give her a surprise? Would you involve her more in the plans for your future? Would you stop nagging him over the things he has failed to do and instead support him in what he is doing well? And when you find things are quite difficult with your partner refusing to do what you believe is the right thing, paying them back in equal measure will never work.
As Emerson Eggerichs, says in his book, Cracking the Communication Code, “No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do.”

What about your work? Have things been pretty bland? Are you dissatisfied with the way things are going? Do you feel unappreciated, undermined and used? Just like I mentioned up there, you have all the control over your reaction and attitude.

Look at yourself first. Are you delivering the best that you can and should? Do you listen to criticism with an honest heart and work on your weaknesses? Are you keeping yourself up to date with the latest trends? Do you even know what your boss actually wants from you? Have you ever asked them, away from the annual or bi-annual appraisals? If not, would you start doing that? Can you work on having at the very least, a professional relationship with your boss (Spreading rumours or deliberately doing a bad job has never been the way to get your boss to pay attention to you)? And if you feel the place you are at is just not right for you, then do one of two things; quit and find yourself a better job, or work as hard as you can to get yourself a good experience and a good referral once you leave. Doing neither means you are wasting precious time.

The same applies to whatever else you are planning to do this year. If it is school, bettering your relationship with your children, recommitting your life to God and anything else, look at yourself first and fix what needs to be fixed.

A happy new year to everyone! A special thanks too, to; my editors Mike and Grace and our cartoonist Chris who always manages to make my readers laugh; and to my three biggest fans, mum, dad, and Johnson, my soldier friend whom I have never met and for whose safety in Somalia I pray for all the time. God bless 2015.