Paternity fraud: when women lie about a baby’s daddy

We have come across cases of people who got to know their fathers at a later age. For others, their mothers do not tell them about their father’s existence only to realise later on in life that they have a father and siblings.
This has come to be known as paternity fraud.
Idd, a 40-year-old married man with four children is mad at his mother after finding out that the person he called his father for 27 years was actually not his dad. This he learnt when when word went round that he was not a biological son in that family.
He confronted his mother and after a lot of hesitation, she mentioned to him a name of another man working at Parliament. His father revealed that his mother run away.

After this revelation, there was no reunion as the alleged biological father refused to acknowledge Idd as his son. This went on for years until Idd sought police intervention to secure a DNA test.The test did not bond the two either.
In Idd’s situation, if it was not for police intervention, probably he would not have had the DNA test done given that paternity laws in Uganda only protect children below 18 years whose parents can be compelled to submit to a DNA test.
Such incidences like Idd’s are commonly a result of infidelity. On one local radio station, a programme that nabs cheats once made a call to a woman an ex-boyfriend suspected had given his paternity rights to her current boyfriend wanted to confirm his suspicions.

During the disguised call, the woman said she wanted what is best for her child and it was not with a boda boda rider, who was claiming paternity. The current man a ‘nkuba kyeyo’ based in London.
Such and more paternity fraud cases have been told and heard from all over the country. Some argue that if a woman is looking out for the best interests of her children, then there is no fault in giving paternity to a man best suited for it.

Other factors
However, not all women who fail to disclose true paternity are after material gains. There are situations such as when a woman is raped or involved in an incestuous relationship where they find themselves pregnant with a sibling or uncle’s child. In order to avoid lengthy explanations and all fracas that comes with the child’s being, then there is no choice other than to put the paternity case at rest.
While the rest feel that in cases of impotence and the family is demanding for an offspring, many take this detour.
Such a situation is tricky and might backfire since the “sperm donor” as he may be called, could claim his child later in life.

Long ago, a woman would take such a secret with her to their grave, but now days after the introduction of the DNA testing such paternity fraud has often been exposed.
If you doubt this, ask local musician, Robert Kyagulanyi aka Bobi Wine who learnt the hard way after it was realised he had sired a child during one of his music tours abroad.

Expert opinion
According to Ali Male, a counselling psychologist and head of counselling at Young Women’s Christian Association, women tend to get involved in paternal fraud because of a number of issues, one of them being in search for satisfaction they do not get at home.
“This involves failure to have conjugal satisfaction, which pushes them to sneak out and before they know it, they have picked up a pregnancy from their extramarital affairs which they obviously cannot disclose to their husbands.”

There is also an issue of low self-esteem and assertiveness that prevent them from resisting advances from suitors. This is common among women who seek attention as a way of being significant, which makes them prey to any man who finds them attractive.
Male further explains that unresolved marital feuds are an underlying factor to this cause as well, when couples fight and leave the fight an unresolved they are bound to keep a grudge meaning intimacy will be less and there will be need for attention on both sides which then forces them to infidelity.

Coping
Male advises the affected to try and understand that it is not their fault that they found themselves in such a situation which means self-guilt should be put out of the picture and instead endure and avoid contemplating on violence as a way to get back to their mothers or even biological fathers.
In some cases these children come as a result of rape so it would be wise for such a person affected to try and understand their mother’s stand on never letting them know of their biological father because probably they also never knew him.
Seeking counselling is often the best step such people should consider and this not only the victim but the parents involved also need to talk to someone on how to go about this situation.

[email protected]