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What it means to... Be a male rape victim

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What it means to... Be a male rape victim


Posted  Wednesday, June 27   2012 at  01:00

The notion of a man or boy getting raped by a woman seems ludicrous since women are considered the weaker sex. But it does happen. Brian* tells his story on being raped when he was about 15 years old, and how it affected him.

Many people don’t believe that boys or men can get raped. I did not believe it either until it happened to me. My parents separated when I was in Senior Three, and my mother left.

It did not take long before father found a replacement for mother—a woman at least 25 years his junior. For a while, that arrangement worked out just fine. My father was pleased with us being civil. He had given me a stern warning before her arrival – create any trouble and you’ll follow your mother. One day, I was watching a talent show with her. We talked for the first time and made fun of the contestants. After the show, she asked me why I hated her. I said I didn’t – and left it at that.

From then on, she found any excuse for us to talk. Soon, she started finding excuses to visit me at school. Whenever I needed something and called my father, it was her who showed up. It was embarrassing hearing my friends talk about “Brian’s hot sister/ girl friend.”

One holiday, she made her move. She followed me into my room, locked the door and sat on my bed. I was not naïve. I knew what she wanted. The thought alone made me sick. When she started to stroke my legs, I slapped her hands away and warned her not to get any closer or I would tell my dad.

She suddenly turned serious. I remember her exact words; “If I were you, I wouldn’t even think about it. Honestly, if your father came back and you told him, then I ran to him crying, telling him how you forced yourself on me, who do you think he’ll believe?”

I did not dare to think she was joking. She helped me undress.

Reflecting on a teacher’s words, yes, sex depends on the male but honestly, we cannot help what our mind registers and how the body responds. Metaphorically, if it is cold, you cannot stop your body from shivering. That afternoon was the beginning. At first, I tried to fight arousal but she did things to me that made it impossible. I gave up fighting and tried to get as rough as I possibly could. It was the only way I could think of punishing her for what she doing to me. But the rougher I got, the more she enjoyed it.

I started looking at all women as lusty and selfish. I hated my mother even more; none of that would be happening if she hadn’t left or if she had taken me with her.

The next year, my mother came to visit me at school. The minute I saw her, I turned and walked back to my class before she could see me. It was the only thing I could do to stop myself from hurting her either by my words or even physically.

Dealing by punishing women
Before that holiday, I had brushed off girls who made advances at me. But after that, I started sleeping with them. After the sex, I would either ignore them soon after or go on a few more times until I got bored. It was the beginning of my mission to punish women.

I got worse as the year went by. Almost each night, I had a girl or two. Don’t ask how we got away with this in a boarding school. There are many things that go on in schools that teachers and parents never get to know of. One would think that once girls got to know of what I did, they would steer clear of my path but unbelievably, even more came.

I did not let what I was doing interfere with my studies. It became a pastime activity, like swimming or playing basketball. I knew my only choice was to work hard, join university and get out of the hell I called home.

My father did not notice anything going on as he was concerned with making more money and spending it on university girls. It was only my uncle, Tony, who noticed something was wrong with me.

Uncle Tony is the only person in this world I can say I truly love. He took me out whenever he could. On one of these outings at the beach, three beautiful girls walked passed our table. He made a suggestive comment about them and I unconsciously sneered. He picked that up and asked, “Are you gay?” I laughed and assured him I was not. He kept insisting that even if I was, he loved me all the same. I was touched but could not bring myself to tell him.

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