THE PLAIN TRUTH: Men, you cannot have it all from one woman

There is this woman I interviewed a few years ago who I can’t forget, not just because of how remarkable her journey to entrepreneurship was but because her husband called me the morning after her story was published.

He was livid because his wife had decided that she could share her story and that I had not seen it fit to call him to ask for permission, never mind that he was not mentioned in the said story.

He kept asking whether us ‘girls’ had nothing better to do with our time than write stories about his wife.

I remembered this husband last week when I came across a rant by a career woman on social media on how she couldn’t wait for the holidays to end so she could get back to the office and her husband would not cease wanting her to spend all day in the kitchen preparing this or that dish for him.

I have encountered many men over the past few years who feel that the career woman is forgetting her place in the home and are keen to domesticate their women.

REVAMPED FACE OF ROMANCE

This social media woman’s story, that narrative of a man who sits on the sofa all day calling out his wife to refill his cup of tea, is not alien.

And it’s unfortunate because in a world where I am asked what I am bringing to the table at every date I go on, then a partner that still thinks that the place of a woman is behind the stove while pregnant most times is misplaced.

We can’t be dating and marrying men who have the same train of thought as our grandfathers.

Men who still think that a woman is to be seen and not heard; that her sole purpose is to cater to a man; that girls are raised just so that they can be married off.

I like to think that all romantic relationships are transactional. The men of the yesteryears brought home the bacon and in return, they expected the women in their lives to nurture children and provide pleasant company and to look good while at it.

I can’t say that it was a fair exchange but it was an exchange all the same.

INDEPENDENCE

Today’s man, on the other hand, is very keen on nailing a woman who can take care of herself.

A friend told me the other day that he is repulsed if a woman he is dating asks for money to get her hair done.

A woman who can pull weight is attractive to the Kenyan man. What the man is missing is the fact that a woman who has learnt to fend for herself will also have leant to speak out.

I am not one to judge. If a man wants a woman who never holds an opinion, one who stays in the kitchen all day warming his food, and this woman is aware of her choices, but still chooses this life, it’s all right.

This man should however not also expect this woman to contribute half of the family finances. You can’t have both.

Ladies, stop breaking your back so that your man can have his cake and eat it. Its 2020.