Depression: How one man has to go for therapy to avoid relapse

“Now that I know what depression is, I think I have had it since I was five-years-old. I suspect it may be genetic because, in our family, we have an uncle who exhibited signs of depression,” Hamza Kwizera(Not Real Names), a 34-year-old victim of depression shares.

What is depression?
According to Mayo Clinic, depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest and can interfere with one’s daily functioning.

“My parents thought I was just being stubborn because I wasn’t like my siblings. I was too emotional, a loner due to lack of interest to interact with others. I was lethargic to say the least. At 12 years, when I was in primary five, I was taken to a boarding school in a bid to ‘discipline’ me,” he intimates.

Symptoms
One of the symptoms of depression is emotional exhaustion. As a boy, Kwizera always found it so hard to do even the simplest of tasks.

At school, Kwizera explains, the things and subjects that interested him really interested him and he excelled in them and those that didn’t interest him, he never bothered to pay any attention and because of this, he lagged behind in class.

“I remember when time for Senior Six examinations was approaching I was not motivated to read. I didn’t have interest in anything. I was sad, lacked motivation, struggled to focus, and away from the depression, I was sick – and the doctors didn’t know what the problem was,” he explains.

Because of this, his father asked him to go for an HIV test which he did. Fortunately, the results were negative,” he says.

Needless to say, he performed poorly but was lucky enough to pursue a diploma in Information Systems Management in 2006. “The rest of my friends who hadn’t joined university had gone to abroad and were making a lot of money. Personally, I couldn’t go because of my poor health. This added to my sadness,” he says.

“On top of the sadness, I struggled with shyness and low self-esteem,’ Kwizera shares.
Fortunately for him, he overcame these after joining an institute to pursue a diploma and became convinced that he must be good at something.

“I am a voracious reader, and I read widely, and that meant I was more informed than many of people, and this made me feel good about myself. It is as though something had been switched on in me and to this day, I am one of the most confident people I know,” he says.

Effects of depression
While at the institution, he also opened a phone shop and a boutique and for the first time, he had money, but deep down, he still struggled with sadness and to numb the pain, he resorted to drinking alcohol, smoking, and getting into relationships he now realises he shouldn’t have gotten into.

These, of course, ended in bad breakups; like the one he had in 2010 with his two-year girlfriend who claimed to have his baby, only to be introduced and married by another man.
This made him hit rock bottom and to cope, he drowned himself in alcohol, smoked to ‘blow’ away the lack of peace and filled the hole he felt inside with eating a lot of food. This he did for six months.

He had no motivation for anything even going to work became a problem.

“The thing with depression is that it affects you emotionally and physically. It zaps your energy and once you are sad, your physical energy is also low and that is one of the challenges I had with depression. I would wake up in the morning feeling tired. So, people see you as though you are on a self-destruction mission and judge you,” he says.

Seeking help
Like the prodigal son, he eventually came back to his senses and realised this wasn’t who he was.

“I started changing the way I eat, I developed a closer relationship with God, I stopped smoking cigarettes and made a deliberate decision not to be in a relationship with anyone. I started taking care of myself, I cut off some of my friends who would bring me into the habits I had developed but I was still having those inner struggles: sadness, impulsiveness and paranoia,” he says.

He says he remembers reading an article in Daily Monitor in 2012 about bi-polar disorder.

“I had some of the symptoms mentioned in the article so I started thinking that I had bipolar. I eventually sought medical attention. I went to a hospital and saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with deep/ severe depression in 2017.” 

Starting treatment
For six months, he was on treatment that included antidepressants and therapy.

“I started feeling much better. Actually, I felt much better than I had ever felt all my life! I also joined support groups of people with depression plus making a decision to forgive my parents, especially my mother for being hard on me,” he says, with a smile.

While interacting with him, it is easy to see that this emotional healing has brought physical health to Kwame, too. Conversational, seemingly jolly and absolutely open in his sharing, he is passionate and enthusiastic about what the future holds.

Post depression
“Lucky for me, I was treated by some of the best doctors, but even if you are treated by the best, and you don’t have the determination to see yourself get better, it is very easy to relapse,” he says.

To set himself free, he also took a different career path to something he was more passionate about.
“I like reading and writing, so I went for a six months Creative Writing course to enhance my writing skills.
Because of the trauma that comes with depression, he still goes for therapy once every month.