Stop taking domestic violence lightly

No one can comprehend the emptiness and melancholy I am battling with after learning about the news of the untimely passing of Violet Kakai, an auxiliary nurse, who worked at International Hospital Kampala for more than 10 years.

The condition under which Kakai died is not only horrific, but also brutal and devilish. Only a beast would tear down a human being like she was axed.
Unfortunately, this cruel act was done by a fellow human being - her husband and father of children. It is been revealed that Kakai had been going through torture for nearly 10 years.

The entire neighbourhood, work mates, and her close friends were aware about the beastly behaviour of her killer. In fact, the local council and police were aware of the problem, but because domestic violence is these days a common occurrence, the issue was not given the attention it deserved.

According to UBOS 2007 statistics, about 68 per cent of every married women aged between 15 and 49 years has experienced some form of violence inflicted on them by their spouse/ intimate partner. No single theory can sufficiently explain this. We live in a patriarchal society where women are inferior to men. So the man feels he has a right to control, punish and discipline the woman.

As someone who has witnessed many gender-based violence, domestic violence is addictive, especially in the African setting, due to culture. Some people even take domestic violence as a signal of love! On many occasions, someone in need of urgent intervention, will call you about their being battered, but before you know it, the two ‘lovebirds’ are back in bliss. It is not bad for couples to reconcile, but that doesn’t change the fact that your life is in danger.

Domestic violence starts slowly - from abuses, slaps, to punches, and before you know it, someone is hurt or gone. So the victim keeps on hoping that their tormentor will change in vain. You cannot solve an illegal act outside the legal framework
We must change and free ourselves from cultural anti-women norms.

Most times, tolerance calls for more abuses, yet being safe is a basic right! There is no doubt that marriage is beautiful and prestigious, especially in an African setting.
It provides the best environment for children to grow up although this is not all that life has to offer!

Women should stop reducing themselves to a marriage ring or relationships! They should know when enough is enough! And where are the parents/relatives of the victim in all this!
It has been revealed that the deceased was an orphan and this gave momentum to her husband to always torture her with impunity.

Parents and guardians should stop relieving themselves of their parental roles when their children get married. In some cultures, when a girl gets married, her bed is burnt or destroyed. So how do you expect such a person to run to the same place for refugee well knowing her bed was destroyed.

Men who believe that beating a woman is a sign of real men are dead wrong. Men who do not believe in reconciliation and forgiveness, the men who think marrying someone means owning them and have all the rights to do anything, are completely misguided.

Carol Mukisa,
[email protected]