Will Pentecostal pastors start enlarging women’s bums?

I have heard most of the arguments, but I still attach very little value to beauty contests.
Being essentially a primitive village primate, it has stuck with me that even if you are in every respect a genius, you must have a taste for silly self-exhibition before you can step forward and ask a panel of judges to declare you the most beautiful person, whether among the people plying one colourful street, or among all the citizens of a banana republic; let alone the whole world!
So, you will understand if this ‘World-Number-3 Abenakyo’ noise has a slightly jarring effect in my head.

But of course I acknowledge that the cult of beauty is very serious business. The cosmetics industry, the fashion people, hospitality and tourism, even charity; all these can claim to gain something when they take bites from the flesh and character of beauty queens.
Far more unusual is the undisguised appetite of operators in the religious industry. As it happens, Pastor Jackson Senyonga of Christian Life Church seems to have got ahead of potential competitors in his trade. As you read these lines, the third-most beautiful woman in the world has already been hosted, or is being hosted, or will soon be hosted by Christian Life Church.

If it had been an ordinary person joining the congregation, the officials at the church would not have made special announcements anticipating her attendance several days in advance.
Pastor Senyonga is the man behind the so-called P5 proceedings, which take place a kilometre or two from his arch-rival, Prophet Samuel Kakande’s synagogue.

Kakande administers water, and more recently rice, which are supposed to be potent with special power. Godly power, if you are a Kakande follower; Satanic power, if you follow his rivals.
Senyonga administers oil, which is also supposed to be potent with special power. Godly power, if you are a Senyonga follower; fake power, if you reject that kind of crap.

Witchdoctors administer their different concoctions, also supposed to be potent with special power. The power of real spirits, if you believe the witchdoctors; fake power, if you reject that grade of crap.
Uganda’s Pentecostal pastors love the witchdoctor’s crap. It gives them something to fight with their ‘holier’ branded crap.
Kakande seems to at least sometimes employ hypnosis-like techniques to entrance his clients. Senyonga talks like a rapid machine that repeats and repeats and builds pace to carry his clients to a frenzied state, where conviction is almost involuntary and parting with money (for God’s work!) feels liberating and life-giving.

Senyonga’s performances are dominated by castigations of Kakande and other ‘false prophets’, and he claims to exorcise all kinds of demons and counter any witchdoctor’s spell – in the name of Jesus.
However, both Kakande and Senyonga are not reading from contemporary mainstream Christian insights, but from the witchdoctor’s manual and other pagan sources.
Now, if I have been following these people, until recently, it was the witchdoctors who claimed to have concoctions that enlarge women’s bums and correct rickety legs. Part of the beauty industry.

Uganda’s pastors attribute virtually every human shortcoming or misfortune to witchcraft and evil spirits. Assuming God/Jesus/The Holy Spirit is/are responsible for sculpting beautiful women, Satan and other evil spirits must be responsible for the deformations and imbalances in unattractive women.
With World-Number-3 Abenakyo apparently under Pastor Senyonga’s influence, and ‘permanent miracles’ being one of his P5 wonders, he and other Pentecostal preachers could join this potentially lucrative area, exorcising the demons of ugliness and miraculously perfecting women’s bums.