Conflict is a normal part of relationships

Thursday June 18 2020

Breakup rate. Couples who argue effectively are

Breakup rate. Couples who argue effectively are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship than those who sweep difficult issues under the carpet, according to a survey of almost 1,000 adults. PHOTO | SHUTTER STOCK 

By Joan Salmon

Relationships have for long been said to be a fragile matter and inasmuch as technology is changing so fast, hence trying to pull everything with it, some things remain unchanged.

With marriage in mind, many wonder if sex before marriage is okay while others think it is not fine. So, where does one draw the line?

If people with varying thought lines are in a relationship, what happens? Do we get married to satAs little children, we argued our way to being understood. This went on into our adulthood and one thing always stood out, there is a thin line between arguing and quarrelling.

Judith Mukasa, a married woman, says conflict is good because when people different upbringing start relating, conflict is eminent. However, how you handle it determines the effects.

Marlon Sendagire, a businessman, says a relationship devoid of conflict is equivalent to a rotten cake with lots of sweet smelling cream on top. “Although we are in love, differences cannot be wished away,” he says.

Common ground
Lovely Gloria, a lawyer, says: “The problem is thinking that an argument is when tempers are flaring and voices are raised. On the contrary, an argument is when we bring our varying ideas in regards to something seeking for a common ground. If there is a relationship that lacks this, it is not worth it.”

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Loyce Flower says arguing shows that we are different but does not mean we cannot stay together or relate. “I believe that with love and respect, any relationship can weather any argument,” she says.

Personality
Tom Lwanga, a farmer, says he admires a woman with wit. “If you cannot handle an argument, then you are not my type. You must have a personality of your own and reasonably live it. Compromise does not mean losing yourself.”

Time
Jane Woods, a married mother of two, says the problem is not knowing the right time to tackle issues. “Having conflicting ideas about something is natural, but must you talk about it as I have my meal? Picking the appropriate time is important when handling an argument.”

Expert say
It is common practice among some couples to look at how often they fight as a bad indicator for their relationship but Evelyn C. Kharono, a counselling psychologist, says that instead of focusing on how often you fight, try the following steps:
•Take a pause so that you can reframe the words you intend to use since it is easy to become emotional and use the harshest of words.
•Use ‘I’ statements instead of ’You’. “For example, you may say, “I am hurt, I feel angry.” When ‘You” is dominant in your arguments, it sounds more of an accusation and will most definitely be met with a defensive attitude.”
•Avoid ultimatums in your fights. “Statements such as, “I will leave you, I made a mistake in marrying you!” should be avoided.
•Never resort to physical and emotional abuse.
•Even amidst a fight, listen more and talk less. Resist the urge to avoid the argument as this encourages bottling up issues that will culminate in an explosion of emotions.
jsalmon@ug.nationmedia.com

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