A few months ago, a friend’s husband approached me saying his wife’s character had changed. He said Trisha no longer does the things she used to do for him such as wash his clothes and cook his food. But when I talked to Trisha, she said everything changed when he betrayed her trust.
“Peter was my life. I did everything for him because I loved him but the time I realised that he was cheating, things changed. My priority now is to do what makes me happy than looking after a man who does not value my love,” she says.
Jonathan Okiru, a marriage counsellor affiliated to Family Life Network, says if men would always use the scriptures to love their wives as well as molding character, they would be the most admirable and honourable people. This means a wife’s love and respect would also be automatic.
“It is said that women are always a reflection of their husbands. So, disrespect can only occur when the husband has failed to play his role,” he notes.
A husband is the breadwinner in a home. When this role is neglected, the wife feels the husband is less of a man and may result into disrespect. When you show laziness and let her shoulder the financial burden as you sit drinking or watching movies, she will not admire or respect you.
The husband is to love the wife
The word love is often times misunderstood. The understanding and interpretation of love also varies from woman to man respectively. Love is laying down one’s life for another and in this respect, a husband laying down his life for his wife. It is important for the husband to seek to learn the love language for his wife because failure to do so makes it impossible for that relationship to last. When a wife feels like she is not valued, it creates a void and may result into disrespect.
When the husband is disrespectful
This may result into a “tit for tat” game. In this case the husband is reaping from the seed planted. Remember one only rips what they have sown.
A husband is the head of the family and home, so failure to offer leadership skills may result in disrespect.
Husbands play the role of a protector and the wife must feel safe with them around. When a man fails to play this role, the wife begins to feel insecure and might look for other ways to protect her home, which may result in disrespect for the husband.
When you silence her voice and dreams and want her to do as you have commanded, she will not admire you because bullies get no respect.
A woman will detest any man who cannot make any decision until they have consulted their mother.
Men who cheat stand a very high chance of losing the admiration from their wives. Lack of trust will in the long run result in disrespect. Just like a man who is fond of flirting with other women, your wife will not respect you because you are doing contrary to what she expects of you.
Okiru concludes by saying that patience and self-control are some of the foundations of marriage. Therefore, partners should always aim to do good for one another.
Earn her respect
Paul Nyende, a psychologist affiliated to Makerere University School of Psychology, gives these tips:
• Treat her with respect. Make sure your wife knows how much you value and appreciate her.
• Never demand respect.
• Be a servant-leader in your home.
• Consistently put other people first, including her.
• Always follow through on your promises.
• Volunteer in the community.
• Carry your weight around the house.
Signs that your wife disrespects you
In marriage, it is essential that your wife and you respect each other equally. If you are the one who is getting disrespected and thinking that your wife will change eventually, then maybe you are wrong. Until and unless you know the signs of lost respect in the relationship, you will neither be able to help your wife improve nor will you be able to salvage your relationship.
She makes fun of you
Whenever your wife meets her friends or family members and makes fun of you in your presence, it means she is not respecting you enough. If she does this sometimes, then it might be tolerated. However, if she gets into the habit of cracking jokes on how you look, how you speak or how you sleep in front of others, then it is definitely a sign of disrespect.
She tends to complain a lot
No matter what you do, your wife does not seem to get satisfied or happy. It is as if nothing you do is good for her. She is always nagging you to become a better person and complaining about things that should not even matter in the first place. It is just her way of bothering you and disrespecting you as a person.
She fails to listen to you
Since she has lost respect for you, it is very much possible that she does not even have the courtesy to listen to you. Your wife will give excuses to avoid talking to you. On the other hand, if you do find her and want to share something important with her, she will remain distracted. What you do or say does not matter to her any more and she fails to give you attention.
She shuns her responsibilities
A disrespectful wife will not make any efforts to share the responsibilities of family life with you. Whenever you will try to approach her regarding her responsibilities, she will cook up some defence. She might also shamelessly shun her duties, because she hardly cares about your or anyone’s opinion now.
Your wife keeps secrets from you
After marriage, you are both supposed to know about each other’s lives completely. Both of you are expected to share not only your dreams but also your failures with each other. However, if your wife keeps secrets from you about her personal life and you get to know about them from someone else, do pay heed to this sign.
She blatantly flirts in front of you
The fact that she is married to you does not stop her from flirting or becoming romantic with others and that too right in front of you. This means that your feelings no longer matter to her any more and mind you, this is highly disrespectful in any relationship.
She is no longer your support system
Your wife is expected to always stand by your side and act as your backbone in good as well as bad times. Even you are expected to do the same. However, if she does not support you or help you in times of need, then it means she is breaking the promise of together and forever.
She becomes physically distant
If you try to make any physical contact with your wife, then she will probably keep a distance from you and avoid you. This is because she disrespects you and does not care about your sexual desires and needs any more. She might even turn into a rude spouse when it comes to rejecting your sexual advances.
The moment you realise that your wife is no longer showing you the respect you deserve in the relationship, you must take appropriate action to save your marriage. At the right time, talk to your wife and try to know what the issues between the two of you are so that accordingly you both can find a solution together.