Mario didn’t want marriage, so I left

Her story

When did love first make meaning to you?
When I met Mario, he was always there for me. He was the most caring, loving, romantic and fun guy I had ever met. I have always had love from my family but this was the first time I felt that kind of love from someone not my family.

What things did Mario or does he do to make you feel loved and cared for?
He is like a father, a friend, role model and a lover. My dad died when I was two years old and I had never felt that kind of love and protection till I met Mario.

What are his acts of love towards you?
I cannot list them. He was always there when I needed him. I call him ‘Mr Nothing is impossible’.

When and how did you meet Mario?
My sister, her boyfriend and I went for dinner at Kampala Casino in 2005. My sister’s boyfriend invited a friend and that friend was Mario.

How did you connect thereon?
We spoke and there was an instant attraction between us but we were both seeing different people at the time so we remained friends for some time.

What went through your mind the first time you lay eyes on him?
We didn’t officially date until many months later. He was so hot he reminded me of Lorenzo Lamas, in ‘Renegade’.

Did he tell you about his first impression of you?
Yes, he too, was in awe of me.

What struck him about you?
You should ask him, but originally he thought I was very beautiful.

What is your idea of love?
Love is when you choose to be with someone and accept them with all their flaws

Have you done a song from your relationship with Mario?
I have sang so many songs about our relationship. I would rather not even talk about it.

...please
Ayokyayokya and One and only

What has been his reaction to the songs?
Mario doesn’t really pay attention to my music because he doesn’t understand the language so I don’t know. Usually, his Ugandan friends are the ones who tell him what I am singing about.

What inspired Amateeka?
My sister was going through that kind of relationship. Her man was very protective.

What would you wish Mario?
He is my ex now but I wouldn’t change anything about him. We broke up early last year.

What led to the break up?
We grew up and our priorities changed I guess.

Exactly what was your point of disagreement?
Marriage.

What about marriage, did you disagree about exactly?
He isn’t interested in marriage. We had been together for nine years and he was not committing himself so I didn’t see the point anymore.

Had you been talking about marriage all along?
Yes, for years. I wanted it.

What was his response when you talked?
He made it clear he’s not into marriage so I had two choices, either to keep cohabiting or leave. I left.

What did you feel about this?
It broke my heart.

What were his reasons for not going into marriage?
He was married once and he believes marriage is the death of love.

Did he share with you why he called it a death of love?
He said that’s what happened in his first marriage

Did you try to change his mind?
Yes, for three years. For me we were already married, we just needed paperwork and just publicly declare it. We had a child too so for me it was naturally the next step.

How was it like taking in the fact that he did not believe in marriage?
I had always known he felt that way, I just thought he would change his mind after some time. So for me it was a confirmation of what I was already worried about. It was sad but I am grown. I hurt for a while then I moved on.

How did you part ways and what emotional impact did it have on you?
I packed my stuff and left. I have grown to understand that love alone does not sustain a relationship.

What else sustains love?
Compromise, and lots of it. If you have pride and ego it’s hard to sustain any relationship.

What experiences taught you this?
My relationship with Mario did. I can’t name all the experiences. They were too many. We had love but it wasn’t enough.

When you moved out, did you two keep in touch?
We have a child so we have to.

Is it just the child that brings you together?
Yes, because of her we have learnt to be friends.

Have you two considered a make-up?
We are happy with how our relationship is right now. We have broken up too many times to think about trying again.

Are you in a relationship with someone new?
Not at the moment.

Have you dated someone after Mario?
I dated Ken Muyisa.

How did you meet and later on start relating?
He was a friend to one of my dancers. We met at an after party at Sheraton Kampala Hotel.

What did he say or do to win your heart?
He followed me everywhere till I decided to give him a chance.

What happened when you gave him a chance?
We dated and for about two years before moving in together.

How did he prove himself to you to be worthy your love?
He was always there. When I met him I was doing my Senior Six at Aga Khan High School and he always came at break time and lunch time to bring me a snack and back at 5:30pm to drop me home where I lived with Lillian Mbabazi a former member of Blu*3. There were too many things. Your article doesn’t have enough space. Even when Blu*3 let me go, he was there and helped me get back to my feet. He knows me like nobody does.

So was Ken in your life as a friend before you started dating Mario?
No.

When you started dating Ken, had you broken up with Mario?
Yes.

How true is it that you were dating him at the same time with fellow singer Phina Mugerwa?
Those are lies. I don’t do that. Ndi mukodo, (I am selfish).

So was it media misrepresentation facts?
It was not really the media. It was Phina trying something stupid. She had kept their break up a secret so she didn’t want to look like a loser.

Have you ever met or talked face-to-face with Phina over this?
No.
How did you find out that Phina had broken up with Ken?
He told me about her when we met.

How long were you in a relationship with Ken and what were the highlights of your time together?
We were together for almost a year. He was a good guy. We were just very different people. It’s easier to date someone when you don’t live together. We were not compatible.

How incompatible were you two?
He wants a normal regular woman. I’m not that at all. I work a lot and I’m ambitious. My career doesn’t give me time to cook, clean and take care of a grown man all day and night.

What kind of man would fit in your ideal dream?
I am complex, ambitious, independent, proud, fun and loving. So my ideal man has to be confident, hardworking, good looking and willing to compromise.

Any candidates in sight?
No.

Don’t you get lonely?
I do but I have my daughter most of the time and she keeps me busy until we fall asleep. I also have a big family of four sisters and three brothers and we are very close.

His story

When did love first make meaning to you?
When I got my first child.

How did you feel love?
Cindy’s, It’s something that hits you all over. It is like an explosion of happiness.

What ultimately made you happy?
Well, I am generally a happy person and my daughter is around me most of the time.

What was it like holding her the first time?
Very emotional at the same time a sense of responsibility and protection. Something really strong.

When and how did you meet Cindy?
We met at Kampala Casino 10 years ago.

Who broke the ice between you two?
I did.

What drew you to her?
Well, we were on a table with a common friend so we started staring at each other. From there, we moved to a club and there I pulled her aside. We looked at each other and I told her something and we kissed.

What struck you about her?
Well she was very pretty, humble and sober. She really looked a genuinely good girl.

How did you pick up from there?
After few days, we met again and we start slowly seeing each other.

What was her response?
We fell in love with each other.

Did she move in?
No we started living together only in 2008 when I came back from Europe. It was the same period I was opening the business.

What kind of relationship did you want to have with her?
A normal relationship between a couple, I guess.

You had been married before, had you successfully divorced?
By then, no, because she wasn’t in the country.

Were you ready for commitment?
If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have gone on to live together with her. I can’t share a roof and a bed every day with a woman I am not committed to.

She says she appreciated the commitment but wanted you to marry her…
I would have married her.
What do you miss about Cindy?
Her presence in Amani’s life. Cindy doesn’t spend much time with her daughter, our daughter.

Why do you think she doesn’t spend time with your daughter?
I don’t miss her if that’s what you are asking, because every time Amani is at her place she usually leaves her with the sister. And Amani tells me so. She is almost five years old.

Have you talked about it?
Yes, but she doesn’t listen. She’s too busy with her career. That is the only thing she’ll never forget. When I met her, she was more caring, but then she lost it. I don’t know why. Maybe fame and too much attention changed her.

How do you handle parenting?
Well, it is not easy but somehow I do handle. I spend much time with her (Amani). It is nice to do things with her. Amani and I cook together, I shower her, we play, do homework. I like to teach her stuff and I try to talk to her as an adult. It helps a lot to develop a child’s brain. I believe if you want your child to be smart, don’t treat them as dumb or just think that the child will just grow.

Have you thought of dating again?
Well, I am a person who believes in destiny so whenever it will happen, I will. My heart is open but obviously now I guess I am more clear of what I want from a woman.

What kind of woman do you want?
A dynamic one who follows a profession but also believes in spending time with family. Someone who is not disorganised. She needs to love my children.

How many children do you have?
Two.

Both with Cindy?
No. I was married before Cindy.

Is there a possibility of making up with Cindy?
I don’t think so. She came back to me in July asking to come back together but she is not ready to compromise anything so there is no way I would go back to that lifestyle.

Can’t you give her a chance at all?
I did actually but she could not handle. She is not a caring woman. She is just a showbiz woman. When she’s home, apart for sleeping, there is nothing much she can do. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a good artiste, fun-loving but not a woman who can handle a family.

What advice can you share with young couples?
To get to know each other really well and find out if they have common interests. Love is something you feed every day. You need to be able to stand someone’s character when the love and passion is gone. And pride kills relationship as well.

Do you think inter-racial differences are a big issue?
Hmmm, not really maybe in some cases.

How does pride kill a relationship?
I think it is mostly respect and understanding each other that will keep a relationship for long. For example not doing anything home because you are a celebrity. You can’t always wait for others to do every small thing. On the other side, pride comes out as through arguments all the time.