My man is using the lockdown to avoid me

Thursday April 30 2020

The lockdown has taken a toll on everyone and

The lockdown has taken a toll on everyone and this man could be going through issues and probably needs space. 

By Joan Salmon

Dear Heart to Heart, Truth be told, I am not the luckiest when it comes to finding love and just when I thought I had finally found my prince charming, lockdown happened. We have not seen each other since and have been relying on phone calls and whatsApp messages. However, for the past week, he does not call me at all and when I call, he does not answer and takes time to reply to my messages. I am starting to think I have been dumped. What should I do? Anonymous

Stella Khakasa. This is the best time for a relationship to grow. A lot of communication should be done since many people are not working. They have enough time for those they love. Do not fall for anyone new during lockdown because many are bored and idle. For your boyfriend, just act like you are single and stop calling him. Look good and avoid stress. During this time, I have learnt to build my relationship with God and to reach out to friends though calling them and I feel stress free. Look for things that make you happy and concentrate on doing those. If he truly loves you, he will come back to you.

Nampa Patience Natie. Please try by all means not to stress yourself over him. It takes two for a relationship to grow. You cannot be the only one struggling to keep up the communication. For some time now, try not to communicate at all. Do other things that make you happy. Ignore the man like he does not exist and await communication from him. If he does not call or text you, even after lockdown just know your relationship was one sided.

Margaret Musoke. This man does not care about you because if he did, he would pick up or return you calls and texts and in a timely manner. That he never does is the height of disrespect Stop calling or texting him and that will be that. You will be making a statement to him and that you are no longer playing along. Get empowered. Never settle for someone who does not make you a priority and leaves you feeling unworthy.

Phillip Kato. I can understand your situation but trust me, you need to maintain your dignity and respect. If somebody is not answering your voice calls, what will your next 20 more missed calls make him feel? Give him some time to think on his own and may be if there is no major issue between you he will come back.

Deo Matovu. Stop texting. Obviously he is too busy doing something that he considers more important than you. Time will not change his behaviour. I think you probably know where you stand. It will definitely be hard but the less attention you give him the more he will either be concerned or relieved. Either way, you will have your answer.


Ignatius Woods. Perhaps there is a legitimate reason for not answering your calls and texts, such as a broken or lost phone. Give him the benefit of the doubt and ask. If the answer is unsatisfactory, find someone more caring and considerate.

Godwin Dindi. A number of people are going through financial struggles nowadays. So, maybe he does not have airtime to call you back or money to buy mobile data. Give him some time.

Aaron Yovani. My dear, the stress most men are going through right now no woman will ever understand.
Let him have some breathing space. He will talk to you once this is allover.

Vicki Muna. Do not assume but at the same time, keep an open mind on the issue so that if your fears are justified, you will not hurt much.

Jane Nabanakulya. In most cases, men are physical beings. They will know how to talk with you while out on a date but be completely lost for words during a phone call or WhatsApp chat. I do not believe that this is the time to consider ending a relationship. You should instead use this time to grow as a person and to make more meaningful relationships with your family and friends. When the lockdown ends, he will find his way back to you.

Janat Mwiru. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you being the one to communicate. Yes, him not replying can be stressful and annoying but so are the times we are living in. Keep up the communication even when you do not get a reply. Be sure that he has seen that you care and your reward will come in future.

Victoria Edwards. We are currently living in uncertain times and everyone is stressed about not knowing what the future holds. Your boyfriend might be going through a stressful moment in his life and does not want to worry you about it. Keep an open mind and keep the communication lines open.

Joy Murithi. I am sure that the time we are living in are already stressful enough without you having to look for more stress. Maybe this is God telling you to first take care of yourself before looking to take care of someone else and their feelings. Use this time for you. Pray, read books, watch movies or learn how to do some new things such as baking. You will be a better and learned person after the lockdown that even if your man moves on, you will easily fall in love with someone else.

Danny Kabogoza. Try reaching out to him through his family and friends. Ask them if he is okay and I am sure they will pass on the message.

Give him time

You seem biased regarding finding love, therefore it is not a surprise that you think you have been dumped because your man is not picking your calls or communicating less. The lockdown has taken a toll on everyone and this man could be going through issues and probably needs space. So rather than stress him with constant calls and messages, you need to give him some space until he is ready to open up. (This is based on the assumption that there was no argument before). You also need to explore why your relationships have been going wrong, could you be the problem?
For this particular relationship, give it time, wait for the lockdown to end and have a conversation with this man.

Sande Asiingwire, Counselling psychologist