No one should pressure you into getting married

Thursday December 6 2018


By Eugene Mugisha

It seems I am getting left behind by the “let us get married in a hurry” craze. Everyone I know, plus some I knew but had forgotten about, seem to be getting married. Even some of the guys who I had never imagined willingly deciding to get married have taken that step.
And I am okay with that, after all it is their business and not mine. And I probably would not mind that craze if they only kept me out of it, I mean, it is not collective madness. Or is it?
Perhaps I do not have to get married. Perhaps it is her who does not want to get married. Now, when I once in a while feel inclined to discuss this and mention that she might not even be interested in getting married, everyone just laughs.
They ask, ‘which girl does not want to get married?’ And I have no answer for them because, well, they are not yet enlightened; not all women want to get married, and not all women want to have children.
Whatever the case, I am not on that bandwagon. I am staying right here because I have not felt the inclination to change my circumstances.
James has been dating Linda for the last eight years. Yes, they started seeing each other when she was 18 years old and he was 24. The reason they are still dating is because she is a real angel.
And everyone hates him for that; they all ask why he - or anyone - would not marry someone like Linda. “don’t you fear another man will steal her from you?”, they ask. And he gives them that look he reserves for really dim-witted people.
A person cannot be “stolen”, that is just dumb. They leave because they want to. And if Linda is still there, then it means she still wants to be there. And to confuse them even more, he asks what if she is the one who does not want to get married.
Well, I am not aware of James thought process. All I know is that he is in no rush. And I have not detected any signs of frustration in his woman. She is either okay with the situation or she knows how to hide her frustrations really well.
Call me a coward if you like, but these are my real motivation.
I mean, if they can find happiness in not being pressured to get into an arrangement they are not comfortable or ready for, then I can too.
But my girl, she did not understand this line of reasoning. To her, I was simply wasting her time. That if I really love her, then I should put a ring on it. And she is of course right, this is one way of looking at it.
The other way is, ‘do I have to do what everyone else is doing?’