Should I date my sister’s ex?

Dear Heart to Heart, I am a 19-year-old woman. Recently, my elder sister had a break-up with her boyfriend, whom she had been dating for five years. He is a good person and we are good friends. While my sister has moved on with her life, her boyfriend is yet to get over the break up. We have been spending a lot of time together and have fallen in love. Will it be wrong to date? Anonymous

Aggrey Mujjuni. The funny thing with women mindset is that the more a man says no the more she will get attracted to him so that she can unlock the mystery herself. It is clear that even if this man has been saying no, you have made up your mind to date him at any cost.

Lwanga Charles. Who can determine your destiny but God? Go ahead and do what makes you happy. Their breakup is none of your business and since your sister has already moved on with her life.

Alibo Mary. Loving your sister’s ex-boyfriend is like loving a man with a wife and children. Please end the relationship before it is too late.

Ogeni Greg. First know the cause of the breakup before you start this relationship. If your sister was the cause of the breakup I would say go ahead but if the ex was the cause of the breakup, do not start the relationship because you will end up hurting your sister.

Linda Look. I think that is the cheapest way to go. Instead of asking social media, I believe the best thing to do is to be open with your sister and tell her everything. Maybe she will support you. However, if she says no, then do not go against her advice. Blood is thicker than water.

Mpagi Moses. It does not look good and might sour your relationship with your sister. She might think that you had a hand in the breakup so that take her man.

Hudah Marshab. Did you ask yourself why they broke up after five years? How will your sister feel about the relationship? It also seems like it is you who has fallen in love with the man which in itself has a lot of disadvantages. At 19, you are still too young to even be thinking of starting a relation under such circumstances. Take your time and eventually you will meet that person you are meant to be with. For now, comfort your sister and be there for her in all situations.

Betty Nabadda. He is not in love with you and wants to use you to revenge on your sister. There is a reason your sister called it quits and this is what you must first investigate.

Ssajabi Leuben. Since he has not yet moved on, you are headed for destruction. Even if you marry him, his heart will always be with your sister.

Alimpanga Mohamed. I think a relationship is all about knowing and understanding each other. Therefore, it might work out for you, although it failed with your sister.

Martin David Ssewa. It is not bad to fall for the man but keep in mind what your sister will think in case she discovers that you went ahead to date her ex. She might also think that you had a hand in their breakup.

SòLó PrîCè. You are still a girl and not a woman. Love is not a bed of roses as you might think. Healing a broken heart takes more than just love. Be mature about this

Ritah K Lindwa. It will be awkward for you and your sister since they had dated for a long time. Please reconsider your decision.

Karungi Pretty. Do not be selfish. Put yourself in your sister’s shoes and ask how you would feel if she did the same thing.

Loy Besigye. Ask what could be de problem before you fall in love with him. Maybe your sister suspected that the two of you were in a relationship the reason she ended it. You cannot allow this man to interfere with your family’s happiness.

Fred Daniels. You are setting yourself up for conflict and family misunderstanding. It is very normal to fall in love with someone you spend so much time with like you do with this man. Keep a safe distance from him.

Aruho R. Paul. Be very careful because it seems this man just wants to take revenge against your sister. What relationship do you want to have with your sister? There are a number of men out there ready and willing to date you. At the right time, you will meet your own man.

Sennyonjo Jacobs. Love is not instant. This means you have been drooling and crushing on your sister’s man all along. Control yourself before you are in too deep to do anything about it.

Jane Matovu. At 19, I think you should be worrying more about your education and life in general. At this age, you do not want to be that sister that caused her sister’s unhappiness. Focus on other things and with time, you will get a good man.

Stephen Langa, counsellor at Family life network

Be ready for challenges

Dear Anonymous, since there has not been anything tying your sister and her ex together such as a child or legal commitment, you qualify to be in the pool of people your sister’s ex can date.
Since you have already recognised that he is good, get to a drawing board to see what qualities you admire in him. You should be sure about the kind of relationship that you want to start. Set objectives for what you want to achieve and also have boundaries.

As mature adults, your relationship will work out depending on the efforts you will have put in. You may get a few challenges, especially when he keeps comparing you to your sister or opposition from your parents and relatives but it is you to judge if he is worth it.
If you think you can go past this, then go for it. After all, there is no relationship where you will not have to make decisions especially about your partners ’past, character or their family. There is always an issue because we are not angels.

Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka