He is throwing me and the children out of our home

I have three children with my boyfriend and we have been together for 16 years. Five years back, he built a house and we moved into the house as a family. Recently, he started dating someone else and now wants me and the children out of the house so that he can move in with his new girlfriend. I would like to know if there is any action I can take under the law. Your advice on how to best approach this situation would also be appreciated.

Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

This must be a stressful moment for you, 16 years and three children is a long time. Well, it is true that a marriage relationship can bring you the utmost joy which is the most ideal but at the same time it can also because you pain considering your example. Human beings are capable of changing and you might not have control over that.

This can be a daunting process but for now, first, take care of your emotions. Try not to act in anger. Get support on how to deal with this new twist of events in your family. After stabilizing emotionally, seek legal help if your husband will not accept negotiation or mediation.

Find a legal person to educate you about family law and how to go about property in a relationship that has taken more than 10 years and with children.

Remember this can come with other added emotional pains such as losing someone you once loved, separating children from one of the parents, and arguments about property among others. This requires you to be ready emotionally such that you do not get constant frustrations.

Ask for a mutual meeting with your husband and see what he plans for you and the children. If he is not willing to settle this informally then you might seek support from a family court.

Depending on the children’s age, it might be essential to plan how to let them know in a non-malicious way since they belong to both of you.

Ask your husband to give you time to process the changes since he initiated this separation.

Reader advice

Unbelievable

Hellen Kyalisiima Abwoolie. But what is wrong with some of these women? How can anyone in their right mind want to separate a couple that has been together for 16 years? I only pray that God helps this other woman see your tears and she does the right thing. 

This is cohabitation

Adeola Onitolo. It is absolutely indisputable that this relationship is based on cohabitation, which placed those children as love children because there is nothing legal about the relationship between the two of you.  I doubt the law will help you that much.

Is this the whole truth?

Benson Mwaka Funi.  No one walks out of a 16-year-old relationship without a reason. Just like online dating, people seeking advice always put their best foot forward. The issue though is in the negative details you almost always leave out. Plus, it seems you also got tired of the man and your issue is the house. So, tell him you want the house and that he should move on with his new woman somewhere else. Sometimes close family is way better than third party arbitrators. His whole family cannot surely be on his side unless of course there is more to you than meets the eye.

See help

Nahia Mackenzy. You can go to the Uganda Association of Women Lawyers (FIDA Uganda). At least they will be able to guide you on the next step to take.

Move out

Monica Drijaru Phabert. If he is a boyfriend and you allowed yourself to be used for so long, then move out of his house. He needs a wife and not a girlfriend.

Law protects children

Moses Earthe. Sixteen years and three children and you are still his girlfriend? Unfortunately, the law only protects and recognises wives not girlfriends. However, the law can force him to support the children.

Go to the police

Betty Atim Anyira. Ensure you have birth certificates for all the children showing him as their father. Then, report him to police for protection against eviction and any violence.

Get child welfare

Phoebe Miriam. He is just a boyfriend with no legal attachment to you and is free to move on and marry someone else. If you can prove that those children are his, then you can sue for regular child welfare and upkeep from him.

You deserve the home

Remmy Kigozi. I do not think it is right to dismiss this woman. Just because she is not a married wife does not mean she has not invested so much time and emotions in this relationship. She even has three children with this man. What more says commitment? We should be advising her to instead fight to keep her home for the children.

Evelyn is a counselling psychologist with Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation