How to love your spouse through trials

Marriage is not just a union of hearts, but a transformative experience that shapes individuals in profound ways. From habits and outlook, to body shapes, the effects of marriage are complex, influencing not only the individuals involved but also those around them.

In marriage, change is inevitable, but with understanding, support and a willingness to adapt, couples can embrace the journey together.

Emily Kirabo, a marriage counsellor, notes that “marriage is not the end of individuality but rather, the beginning of a shared adventure where two souls intertwine while retaining the essence of who they are.”

Here are some dimensions of change that come with marriage and practical tips for navigating them:

Habits and routines

Timothy Kigozi, a clinical psychologist, says marriage often brings about shifts in daily habits and routines as individuals learn to navigate life as a couple.

“From bedtime rituals to morning routines, couples find themselves syncing their schedules and adapting to each other’s preferences,” he says, adding that it is a process of negotiation and compromise, highlighting the importance of open communication and flexibility in establishing new habits that work for both partners.

Kigozi says marriage can profoundly impact an individuals’ outlook on life and their priorities.

“The shared commitment of marriage often leads individuals to reassess their goals and aspirations. Career ambitions may be reevaluated in light of family responsibilities and financial priorities may shift to accommodate joint goals. It is a balancing act,” Kigozi notes, emphasising the need for couples to align their values and visions for the future.

Body shape, health

According to the social science and medicine journal, there is an impact of marriage and parenthood on male body mass index. The 2017 study in the journal summed up findings with various theories. For example, the marriage protection theory states that married adults will have better physical health due to increased social support and reduced incidence of risky behaviour.

On the other hand, the social obligation theory that states that those in relationships may eat more regular meals and/or richer and denser foods due to social obligations, which may arise because of marriage.

Sarah Kabarungi, a nutritionist and wellness expert, observes that marriage can influence individuals’ physical health and body shape.

“Changes in diet, exercise habits, and stress levels are common,” she explains.

From shared meals to sedentary evenings on the couch, couples may find themselves navigating new culinary landscapes and fitness routines. It is important for couples, therefore, to support each other maintain healthy habits,” she advises, stressing the significance of teamwork in achieving mutual well-being.

Relationship dynamics

Kirabo underscores the impact of marriage on relationship dynamics.

“Communication styles, conflict resolution strategies and intimacy levels can all undergo shifts as couples adapt to married life,” she says. Learning to navigate these changes requires patience, empathy and a willingness to grow together.

“Couples counselling can be invaluable in fostering healthy communication and strengthening bonds,” she adds, highlighting the importance of seeking professional support when needed.

Social networks

Kigozi observes that the marriage is bound to have an impact on individuals’ social networks.  Friendships may evolve, family relationships may deepen and community involvement may change.

 As couples integrate into each other’s social circles, they may find themselves redefining their support systems and expanding their networks.

“Maintaining individual connections outside of the marriage is essential for personal growth and fulfillment,” advises Kigozi, who also encourages couples to nurture their independent social identities.

According to zoosk.com, while marriage can bring increased happiness and fulfillment, it can also be accompanied by stressors and challenges. From adjusting to shared living spaces to navigating conflicts and transitions, couples may experience a range of emotions.

“Self-care practices such as mindfulness, exercise, and hobbies are crucial for maintaining emotional well-being. It is also important to prioritise mental health within the context of marriage. Without paying attention to this, the relationship may end up in a conflict,” Kigozi advises. he offers some tips for resolving conflict in marriage:

A safe space to talk

Sometimes this can make all the difference during a disagreement or argument. In-person conversations are recommended as you can read body language. If you are apart from one another, try to approach the issue via phone call rather than text or email. Tone of voice is important in conversation and sometimes this can be misinterpreted when it is typed out and not verbal.

The other perspective

No matter how heated your discussion becomes, try to take yourself out of the situation and look at the issue from your partner’s perspective.

Choose your battles

While disagreements can be healthy in a relationship, they certainly do not have to be a common occurrence. Know what type of issue deserves a conversation and what type of issue is a pass. However, do not let conflict bottle up to the point that you feel like you are going to explode. Find the balance and prioritise your battles.

Avoid judgmental language

Your words matter and they will be remembered. Use your voice with care and kindness, even when frustrated. Be curious as to why your partner feels the way they feel or does what they do. Ask them to elaborate by prompting questions that encourage answers. Phrases such as “help me understand…” will be more meaningful in conflict resolution than judgmental phrases such as “you always…”

Forgiveness

No matter how strong and loving your relationship is, conflict is unavoidable. It will come and when it does, allow yourself to give grace and forgiveness. These gifts are the protectors of a healthy relationship and allow mindfulness and understanding.

Takeaway

Conflict resolution can be difficult. It is often emotionally draining and can result to diverse feelings. There is nothing wrong with saying you need a few minutes to yourself to gather your thoughts. The same goes for your partner if they need a time-out. Allow yourselves to recuperate and know what is best for your mental health.