I am falling for my fitness instructor although married

I started working out with a fitness instructor through virtual classes during lockdown and post lockdown, I still feared to go to the gym so I called him home. We work out together almost every day and slowly, I developed romantic feelings for him. We have even shared a kiss but nothing more. I am married and I feel guilty about it. But I am losing weight and I feel motivated to work out because of him. I do not want all this to end but fear that my husband might find out. What should I do? Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

This sounds like an emotional trap you are in. Remember you are human and the human body is sexual by nature and so to be in charge of your emotions and body it is important to set boundaries from the start.

Due to a combination of the feel-good hormones in the body, especially during exercise, you should be experiencing a high feeling of inappropriate emotions which are a response to the care you are receiving than just the person.

By nature, we all want to be given undivided attention and cared for. While working out, another person is looking at you, touching you, which in the long run creates a strong connection that you may not be experiencing in your formal relationship.

You are his boss

 It is important to remember that you are paying for these services and also this means that your fitness instructor has this kind of relationship with other clients too. It is more of a transaction than genuine emotion because it is his job.

Depending on the value you attach to your marriage, it would be appropriate to stop the sessions and assess if you really are willing to risk and ruin your formal relationship for a short-term physical attraction.

Coping mechanisms

If you feel too weak to resist your trainer, then find a friend you can work out together with. This will reduce the chances of being alone with the instructor for long hours.

Talk about these feelings and let someone you trust or a counsellor help you to validate these feelings. It is normal to have a crush but if it starts to distract you to a level of interfering with your marriage then it means boundaries are being crossed.

Limit disclosing personal information to your trainer since this puts you in a vulnerable position. Each marriage will experience bad times and during this time, the partner might use this as a scapegoat to find solace from someone else other than their own spouse. Indeed, many trainers confess that they spend as much time listening to clients’ problems as they do actually working out. But personal trainers are not schooled in psychology, nor do they have to follow the same strict romance-forbidding rules mental health professionals do. If this is the case, identify the real issues and find relevant support to address it before it goes out of  hand.

Your instructor could be taking advantage of his position which gives him more power above you. Change the instructor and the lesser time you meet with him, the more it gets easier for you to escape this emotional trap.

Reader advice

Stick to second choice

Anderson Evans

If you are in love with two people, stick to the second one because if you really loved the first one, you would not have looked for a second choice.

Respect your marriage

Eugenior MK

So you think you are the only lady he instructs and kisses? There are obviously many others if he is doing it with a married woman. Respect your marriage and let go of this gym nonsense before you fall into temptation.  Remember what is precious.

Do not waste your time

Jane Frances Nabuuma

Do not let a temporary excitement or thrill replace what you have built for years. The Bible is clear, separate what is precious from the inexpensive.

Be content

Mac JB Bukenya

You will lose your good marriage, family, friend, partner, plus the gym instructor. Ask yourself, how many female trainees he meets. How sure are you about him? God will even take the little happiness you have once you are not contented with what he gave you. Sister, whatever is itching you, it is temporary. Do not lose yourself because of temporary happiness and end up with long term regret.

Involve your man

Patience Natie Nampa

Involve your man in the workouts if you want to resist the temptations.

Remember your vows

Wisely Woodz White

You are married and yet still falling for instructors, really, what do you want in life?

Think about your health

Moses Earthe

Someone who encourages romantic feelings from his clients is not to be trusted. He is capable of doing anything for money including irresponsible leaving that results in STDs such as HIV.  Do you think taking ARVs is easy?

Facts

It is science.

According to new research presented at the Society for Neuroscience in New Orleans, there may be a scientific explanation for your less-than-professional feelings towards your trainer. The study found that exercise causes your body to release the chemical hormone oxytocin, the same hormone released when you begin to fall in love.

Oxytocin is a neurohypophysical hormone, often referred to as the “love hormone.”  When a woman experiences these emotions, she often feels more inclined to accept sexual advances.