What you need to know:
I am afraid of being upfront and asking him to come on a date with me
I am 23 years old and I like a man who studies in my college. I have a crush on him but the problem is, it has been a month and he has not asked me out. I am afraid of being upfront and asking him to come on a date with me. What if he says no and friend zones me? How should I approach this situation? Shall I wait for him to make a move or should I take charge of this situation? Anonymous
Having a crush and getting attracted to someone is normal at this age. A crush, after all, has been defined as short-term but extreme feelings of love for someone and it is mostly one-sided, usually with no results. You are right to take into consideration and weigh in on the consequences of your actions. A crush can be so intense, especially if you give it time to form within your thoughts. It can even enhance a rush if not recognised on time.
Remember, it is only happening on one side, which yours, meaning the other person you are crushing on is unaware of your feelings. I feel it would be early to ask him out, and it could also be possible that he is also interested but has not made up his mind yet or taking his time to know a bit about you.
The best way to heal from a crush is to give yourself the time of at least two weeks. Meanwhile, occupy yourself with different activities this time such that you do not get the urge of approaching the person prematurely.
There are many other ways that can give a clue to the other person about your interest in them. These include a distant smile, being deliberate at helping you out just to get moments for talking. You can also take advantage of being course mates and plan a date with many other people so that you are not on the spot.
Meeting in a casual and relaxed way might give you an opportunity of speaking to him more often such that you get to learn him better.
It could surprise you that after two weeks, the crush might settle naturally or just in case you find other alternative ways of interacting, he might not be the kind of man you are ‘dying’ for. The right decision about a relationship is usually done after people have met and talked to each other.
Although it is now trending for a girl to ask out a man for a date, it is important to take note of the environment and the culture since for most African cultures, not so much has changed. Men are naturally created with the ability to hunt while women have the attributes of being hunted. Changing this trend may make your relationship unstable.
Lastly, there is no need to be embarrassed about a crush or to try so hard to make things happen. A crush is normal and will go away shortly if you engage in other activities for the time being as you wait for the right suitor who can be him or even some other person.
Never try to woo a man! Men tend to love the chase. The moment you approach him, he will take you as desperate and friend zone you. There is a possibility that you do not meet his fancy so you may as well let him be and look elsewhere.
It is the 21st century, therefore, anyone can initiate the relationship. However, guard against giving him an opportunity to impregnate you lest he leaves you with child and moves on to another.
Go ahead and talk to him. What you feel towards him is legit so you need not be shy.
That is quite a fix, I must admit. As a first step, ask him out. While on the date (that is if he agrees to it), let him know that you like him. My guess is if he likes you too, he will take his cue from there. And once he does, you need to stop any forms of chasing him and let him do the chasing. If you chase him too much, he might interpret that as you being desperate and nothing scares a man away faster than that. In short, let him think he is doing the chasing. Good luck catching your whale and try to have fun while at it.
I thought you were a modern woman! Please, use any social media platform and let him know. He may be a shy, yet feeling the same way but afraid of approaching.
Normally, it is the fisherman to hook the fish but not the other way round. I would say that the man is the one hunting for you. Therefore, allow him to ‘hunt’ you. Just give him the right signals depending on what you know him to like. I say that because I think he is your friend so you know a thing or two about his interests.
This is nice and yes, very normal. However, I advise you not to make that mistake of making the first move. All you can do is to start acting towards that direction. For example, call to check on him, be extra nice, and pay him surprise visits. He will feel special and pop the question.
I will tell you, you may toy around the idea of telling him how you feel, but time will not!
Moses Patrick Ojilong.
This kind of mentality saw me receive a wedding invitation card from my crush while I was still thinking of how to disclose my intentions. On her wedding day, one of her friends told me that the bride had waited for so long for me to let the cat of the bag but I did not. Guess what? I am still single.
My dear sister, we are also asking ourselves the same question as we ponder about approaching your women. Just go ahead and tell him that you like him, show him that you are a good woman and that will give him a reason to say something too. Do not just sit and do nothing about it.
Be lady-like and allow the man approach you. Otherwise, you will lose all respect he ever had for you.
Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, Counselling psychologist