Keeping the spark after having children

Raising children, calls for mutual understanding between partners. Couples at most will require much effort to ensure they strengthen their bond even after they have had a baby. PHOTO | COURTESY | SHUTTERSTOCK

What you need to know:

  • Raising children, calls for mutual understanding between partners. Many times, the child becomes the centre of focus while the adults forget about themselves. Couples at most will require much effort to ensure they strengthen their bond even after they have had a baby.

Before becoming parents, your relationship with your partner is usually different. You probably had sex whenever and however you wanted, and spent a lot of time together on night dates but since the arrival of the baby, your schedule has changed with little time for you to bond with your partner. 

One of the biggest challenges among new couples is having to adjust and transition into parenthood while keeping the spark in their relationship alive. It is very exciting to become parents but it takes a toll on many relationships. 

From the uncomfortable nights of baby crying to the changes in sex life patterns for most couples experiencing their first months as new parents, this shift goes down heavy on a couple’s romance.

Here couples share how they manage the times and ignite new flames of intimacy for a healthy relationship.

Miriam and JB Halera

The love birds believe that children are ultimately the drive to their relationship because they encourage them to work hard. Miriam says, “We work together even more than before since we now take on shared responsibilities. They instead bring us even closer.”

She tips on healthy practices that can keep a couple’s romance alive. “When the baby comes, it calls for a mother to be clean while handling the baby and the breastmilk that spills on the bed. It is important to keep clean. If possible put up a baby unit that is separate from your space as a couple. The couple space should be elevated with aesthetics that ignite a romance-filled relationship.”

Child handling, for this couple, calls for mutual understanding between partners and should endeavor to bond while parenting.

“Right from pregnancy, I would massage my wife whenever she needed it, which enabled me to be involved in my child’s life and make her feel that we are together in whatever she is going through,” says Halera.

Aisha Nantongo and George Steven Olaktar

At first, Aisha and George found it hard to balance their relationship and parenting. However, with time, they figured it out after inquiring from friends on how they were managing the transition.

“As first time parents, it was not easy but with time, we got used to it. I ensure to give time to both my baby and husband but also create a balance in parenting which we manage as a couple,” Aisha shares.

For the uncomfortable nights, Aisha stays awake and finds a resting time during the days whereas her husband supports her during the day since he works remotely.

“For most of these nights, we get to watch movies together whenever the baby is asleep, especially over the weekend,” she says.

George adds that, “We are usually together on Sundays and if there is any travel activity, we endeavour to attend together.”

Elison and Grace Arinaitwe

Elison and Grace think a couple is expected to execute the highest levels of patience when transitioning into parenthood in order to have a healthy relationship. “Couples can maintain a romantic relationship without necessarily engaging in love making as it keeps the bond strong,” Grace says.

A support system and agreeable grounds can help a couple relate more with each other than being taken up by parenting.

“A couple can hire a nanny or make use of other family to ease the overwhelming duties that come with parenting. This will help them create time for each other and also  deal with postnatal challenges that can affect how they relate with each other.”

The new changes in motherhood require one to share their emotions and to be understood in order to carry on a healthy relationship according to Elison, “Coffee dates, gym to support a mother reduce baby weight, a getaway which allows for time spent together away from the normal routines.”

Vivian and Baker Matovu

A husbands support helps a great deal in improving romance between a couple after giving birth. Baker helps out with some of the baby routines so she can have time for the relationship. The pair reveals that their love grows stronger because of their children. 

“As a couple, we watch movies together with the children and go for outings as a family. We also cook, do shopping and washing the car together,” says Vivian.