Learning to love regardless

To love a human being full of imperfections, learn to control your emotions.

Sometimes when you think Uganda is getting too unbearable, the evening news bring you drama that would make William Shakespeare’s theatrical plots seem amateurish.

Take for instance the farce that came on the heels of the recent EALA elections, where one former contestant with the exotic name of Yorke went berserk over what he deemed to be vote rigging. 

The honourable Yorke was so incensed by the way the vote was handled that he literally hijacked the ballot box and ended up punching an innocent police officer who had the unfortunate job of reprieving it from him. The gravity with which he took those election results would make one think they were a matter of life and death.

From his reaction, either it was Yorke’s first time to participate in a Ugandan election or he is not accustomed to failure and loss. The funny bit for me is the fact that according to reports, Yorke started expressing his dissatisfaction with the results long before the votes had even been counted. Please do not think me naïve when I say that, because I know how that can be possible, but also the irony is not lost on me. 

Also, I do not want to come off as if I am condoning electoral malpractice because almost four decades ago, I watched a stolen election plunge the country into chaos. What I am saying is that nothing should ever make one lose a grip on their emotions to descend to such levels of anarchy. 

As I watched the dishonorable Yorke lose his head, I imagined what he would do if his beloved ever put a step wrong in their relationship.

The truth is things do happen; elections get stolen just as loved ones’ affections change even if they promised to follow you to the ends of the earth. When this happens, it makes one look manic if they start running around like a headless chicken and actually justifies the offender.

After all, who would want anyone to endure a relationship with someone so weak that they are at the mercy of their own emotions? 

You do not have to wake up your entire clan because you went snooping in your partner’s phone at 3am and found the damning information you were searching for.

First of all, if you are so insecure about someone that you feel the best way to conduct a relationship with them is to spy on them, then you should not be in that relationship since clearly it is driving you insane. 

Secondly, understand that human beings are fickle and easily get blown by the winds of change; this should help you understand that the only person whose motives you can be fully aware of is you. 

Relationship experts say the best way to teach our partners, colleagues or friends is by mirroring for them how we would want to be treated. For instance, if you expect honesty out of a relationship, go out of your way to show your partner what honesty looks like. If you want your partner to be more generous with you, and then show them generosity maybe with time, they will learn how to reciprocate or they will not.  

No matter what happens learn to love them regardless; that is the best kind of mirroring. And the most effective way to learn to love another human being full of imperfections is to learn to control your emotions.

Also remember that no one person should have the upper-hand in a relationship. That is an unhealthy and abusive dynamic that can get unsafe really quickly. 

A relationship is not a competition, it is about sharing your life with another person. There should be respect on both sides and an understanding that you both have value, and you both have to be open to listening and changing.