Love bombing: When love seems too good to be true

Love is a powerful and complex emotion, capable of bringing immense joy and fulfillment. However, there is a dark side to it that often goes unnoticed until it is too late; such as love bombing. This deceptive tactic involves overwhelming someone with excessive displays of affection, attention, and praise in the initial stages of a relationship. While on the surface, love bombing may seem like a dream come true, it conceals a dangerous undersurface that can have long-lasting and detrimental effects.
While love bombing may initially feel like a fairytale, the consequences can be severe.

“Love bombers exploit emotions to gain control, manipulating their partner’s feelings and perceptions,” says Ronald Opio, a marriage counsellor.

Victims may lose their sense of self as the love bomber becomes the focal point of their life, eroding individuality. The exaggerated displays of affection set unrealistic standards, making it challenging for the relationship to sustain a healthy balance.

“Once the love bomber feels secure in the relationship, the excessive attention often diminishes, leaving the partner confused and emotionally depleted,” Opio adds.

Signs of love bombing
At first glance, love bombing may be difficult to identify as it often masquerades as genuine affection. Here are some signs to watch out for:
Rapid and intense declarations of love. Love bombers often express profound feelings very early in the relationship, claiming an instant and intense connection.

Excessive attention and gifts. Showering someone with constant attention, lavish gifts and compliments can be a red flag. Love bombers go to great lengths to make their target feel adored and special.
Isolation tactics. Love bombers may try to isolate their partner from friends and family, creating a dependence on the relationship.
Overwhelming communication. Constant calls, texts, and messages are a common love bombing tactic, creating a sense of urgency and importance.
How common is it?

According to Opio, love bombing is more common than one might think. Its prevalence is heightened in the age of online dating, where initial interactions can be deceptive and superficial. In a world where connection is sought instantly, love bombers capitalise on the vulnerability of those longing for affection.

Psychologist Jane Birungi warns, “Love bombing is a form of emotional abuse that can have serious consequences on an individual’s mental health. Victims often struggle to break free from the toxic cycle as the initial affection creates a strong emotional bond.”

She emphasises the importance of taking things slow in a new relationship. “Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding. Love bombing skips crucial steps, creating a foundation built on illusion rather than authenticity.”

Statistics 
While concrete statistics on love bombing are challenging to obtain due to its often covert nature, a March 2022, survey by www.shaneco.com  sampled representatives from across gender, age groups, relationship status, and dating app usage in order to analyse insights by these different demographics in America. 1,014 people, ages 18-55, across the US were engaged in the survey to uncover how many Americans have been love bombed and which habits of new romantic partners are the biggest red flags (or indicators of love bombing). 

All survey respondents were informed on what love bombing is and a whopping 70 percent of respondents said they had fallen victim to love bombing at least once in their lifetime. 

Looking at responses from specific segments of people,  78 percent of dating app users have been love bombed as well as 75 percent of millennials (higher than any other generation). There also appears to be a gender divide on the love bombing front; 76 percent of women said they had been love bombed, compared to only 63 percent of men who say the same.
This suggests a concerning prevalence that demands awareness and education.

Effects 
Birungi observes that love bombing is a deceptive and harmful phenomenon that can leave lasting scars on its victims. Recognising the signs and understanding the potential dangers are crucial steps in protecting oneself from the charm of a love that seems too good to be true.

 By shedding light on this manipulative tactic, individuals can be empowered to approach relationships with caution and mindfulness, ensuring that love is genuine, healthy, and sustainable.
According to www.instyle.com, love bombing can be dealt with. If you suspect that your partner’s behaviour is consistent with this form of manipulation, then the relationship is likely to become extremely unhealthy. Here is what to do:

Communicate clearly
Experts say it is important to strictly communicate that you do not want to rush into the relationship and let your partner know that the constant showering of gifts and displays of affection makes you uncomfortable. If they care about you and truly do not mean any harm, they will change their actions for the better. However, if they become angry or double down on their excessive and controlling behaviours, you should consider leaving the relationship as soon as possible.

Keep in touch with loved ones
Abusers will often attempt to isolate their victims from friends and family.It is advisable to maintaining contact with your support system. If your partner’s behaviour escalates, blocking the contact or cutting of such a person completely is recommended.

Cut off ties
This type of psychological manipulation is deeply problematic and is unlikely to develop into something healthier.  Getting out of the relationship by cutting all emotional ties and communication can give you a peace of mind to move on. Someone with narcissistic traits will often try and entice you back, even if just for an argument.

Therapy
Ronald Opio, a marriage counsellor, says removing yourself from a relationship that involves love bombing can be hard. 

The practice is specifically structured to make you feel reliant on your partner, making it difficult to identify and cut ties. 

More so ending or disengaging from such a relationship can be challenging due to the rewards or positive aspects associated with it.

 It may have provided some form of satisfaction, pleasure or benefits, making it difficult for someone to detach themselves.