She accidentally sent me another man’s love message

What you need to know:

She rarely calls me and when I call, her phone is always busy. When I asked why her phone is always busy when I call, she told me she is not aware of such but because she has been so distant, I asked her sister what was going on

Last year in November, my wife went for training to join the prisons service. However, since the training ended, I have only seen her once. She rarely calls me and when I call, her phone is always busy. When I asked why her phone is always busy when I call, she told me she is not aware of such but because she has been so distant, I asked her sister what was going on. The sister told me she might be dating someone else. The other day, she accidentally sent me a romantic message meant for someone else and when I confronted her about it, she said a friend had used her phone to type the message for her boyfriend but accidentally sent it to me. Can I really trust that she still loves me?


Dear Anonymous,

This must be mounting stress on you. Communication is the key to any relationship and when this is cut down, the relationship is negatively affected.

There is magic in talking to one another even if you are not necessarily discussing very serious matters.

The more you speak to one another, the stronger the bond grows.

It also creates feelings of being acceptance and being valued by your significant other.

I am not sure about your relationship in the past before your wife left for training.This can  help to know how much she has changed from her previous behavior.  Well what remains constant is that people can change due to many factors. It is possible that the distance has worked against your relationship.

It is true that you have seen some evidence of a text message. However you can still suggest to your wife to meet a family therapist to support both of you. The session will be able to create a safe space for you and your wife to speak openly about what is making you uncomfortable in the relationship.This  is good as it enables you to make and informed decision.

Make use of this support and ask your wife to let you know what is hindering her from speaking to you on phone or even visiting.

Distance relationships are not so easy to run, it all depends on how the couple is committed to one another. Some one’s behavior might at times speak louder than words.

Remember that sometimes people need space to rethink.Incase you have been calling constantly.

It is important to give your wife a chance to reciprocate. It is not possible to control how some one, even your closet person decides to treat you but you can only control how you react.

Just incase your wife does not agree to couple counseling initially, you can still go for individual counseling sessions to enable you get healthy coping skills during this period when your relationship is going through distress.

Take care of how you feel and spend less time thinking about the negative things in this relationship as this will in turn affect your emotions and behavior as well.Take a bold step and seek help.

Giving second chances.

While all indicators may show that your partner is cheating, it is important that you take things slow.

Giving a second chance to someone, listen to their part of the story before you judge them is very ideal even in a situation where you are already hurting.

Sometimes rumours cannot be trusted until you hear it from the other person.

If you still value a relationship, fight it at whatever cost and be willing to listen only then will you have done your part and when things fail, your healing will be smooth knowing that there was nothing left for the two of you.

Reader advice

Take it slow

Lydia Nabuzale: Take time and heal slowly. You can believe her lies for the meantime just for the sake of avoiding pressure but with time you will know her real character. Do not rush to block or move on because you may regret your actions. Take your time, move on at a slower pace as you gradually cut communication, within a certain period of time, you will find yourself used and perhaps find a replacement. Then you will no longer value her, and this will make a great end since you would have blocked her in your mind as well.

Work it out

Phoebe Miriam: Do not jump onto conclusions yet. Take time and watch her and wait as you try everything to revamp your love for each other. What kind is her sister? Please sit down with your wife and work out things.

Move on

Mathew Ocitti: There are too many red flags for you to continue trusting her. In this era who borrows another person’s phone to send messages? Just cut off ties with her and move on. There is no need for you to waste your time and efforts on her.

She is cheating

Christopher J Matumbwe: She is cheating on you. When people begin displaying such behaviours as being distant, not caring, not replying to text or calls on time, then there is someone else they are replying to, calling and it is not you.

She is playing tricks

Generous Nakie: You are just failing to see what is under your nose but she intended to send you the text in order for you to understand and move on. She just does not want to hurt you. Please do not waste your time. When things fail where she is, she will easily come back to you.

You are too good

Muzamiru Sekabembe: Since love grows, it is important for you to know that it dies too. It is clear that she does not want you anymore. You are such a good man that you allowed her to work. For now, excuse yourself from nonsense and let her go.

Do not be blind

Elas Jason: You should not be asking with all these red flags. Do not believe lies and manipulation from her. Women most of the times execute love with high level of precision leaving no room for errors. She is indirectly telling you that she got another man and that she is out your league. Please do not be too blind to see this. Just count it as a loss and move on.

Read between the lines

Martin Ssebyala: You should not be slow on this. People change with new environments. She replaced you already but does not have the courage to tell it to you. She hopes you will read between the lines and get it. Please move on.

Evelyn Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, Counselling psychologist