My boyfriend left me because I am too hairy

I am naturally a hairy person and I had mentioned this to my boyfriend severally during our courtship. However, the day we became intimate, he left me saying I was too hairy. This has dented my self-confidence and I am scared of dating any other man. Please help. 

Anonymous

Dear anonymous,

This must be a stressful situation for you. Sorry that your boyfriend reacted before giving you an opportunity for a second option. Unfortunately, most men associate a hairy body with masculinity. Even though facial and body hair is extremely common in women, we tend to think of it as excessive or abnormal.

Some women have some excess facial and body hair in addition to the hair that we tend to consider “normal” such as that on the legs, underarms, and pubic region.

It is, therefore, completely normal to have some additional hair on the face or body. The most common areas where these hairs are found are the upper lip, chin, upper arms, back, chest, stomach, and thighs. Some of the hair in these places may be coarser, darker, and longer than the rest of your body hair.

Although most of us will have a bit of hair, some of us are hairier than others. If you have more than a scattering of darker hairs in these places or the hair spreads over a large area, you are probably hairier than normal.

However, there are differences in hairiness between ethnicities, so what may be considered excessively hairy in one person may be completely normal for another. If you are suffering from excessive hair, there could also be a medical reason for it. For example, gynecological conditions can also cause excess hair. It is, therefore, a good idea to talk to your doctor about it or visit a cosmetic clinic for advice.

It is okay to feel bad about your boyfriend leaving, mourn about it and move on. Each situation that we face helps to prepare us for tougher times. If your boyfriend just left without giving you an option to think of either finding help or discussing a solution, it is a sign that he could have left you for any other petty reason.

People are different and it is important to know that not every other boyfriend will treat you like the former. This mindset helps you to come to terms with the fact that you are not in control of how people decide to treat you but you are in control of how you choose to act.

Take time and allow yourself to heal from the loss. Remember it is through pain that we get healing. When you decide to date again, be open with your new date and find out if they accept you as you are. If you think shaving will work according to what you discuss, then go ahead and do that.

This is a matter of choice, no one can do it for you. If you must have your hair and feel you like it, then be patient, and at some point, you will meet a boyfriend who may not mind it. Your self-esteem can be rebuilt with the support of a counsellor who can offer you with skills of learning to appreciate yourself. Start by accepting who you are before others can accept you.

Reader advice

Do not compare

David Matovu. Remember that just because one relationship ended this way does not mean others will. Do not globalise one experience and make yourself fearful of having future relationships because of it. Every relationship is its own special experience, allow it to be so.

It is not your fault

Jane Woods. Someone leaving suddenly and not giving you a chance to complete things well or even say goodbye says nothing about you. You cannot change another person’s actions, and this kind of action is either something that could not be prevented or the act of a coward, which says nothing about you. Do not take that responsibility on because it is not yours.

Mr Right will find you

Lorene Goodness. I have a hairy body too, but trust me I get several complements, especially from men. You did not choose to have a hairy body, The right one will find treasure in loving you, just the way you are.

This was just an excuse

Ester Musiime. Walk with your head held high. The man of your dreams will love you unconditionally. This was just an excuse by a man who was not meant to be with you to leave. Thank God and move on.

It had already ended

Jones Jonath. Do not give up on dating someone who likes you the way you are. Some men are cowards and will not face a woman directly and tell her that it is over. In this case, this man found something he knew would hurt your feelings and used it to hurt you more.

Love yourself  first

Jacob Kwesiga Gatasha. The one who loves you will always love you whether you are disabled or able to move. So, always love yourself first so that no matter what hurtful things are said about you, you are able to move on and hold your head high with confidence.

Your are fearfully made

Mara Jimmy Wester I. You are not the problem, he is. You do not have to change a physical thing about you just to make some ungrateful man love you. Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who loves you the way you are. Hairy or not, a woman is a treasure from God.

Take your time

Idris Saleh. Truth is, he never loved you. Pick yourself up and move on. Take your time and when you fall in love again, it should be with someone who truly loves you.

Evelyn is a counselling psychologist with Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation