No amount of time will change your mind

You have heard it countless times during church ceremonies. The priest asks those assembled if there is any reason the two should not be united in holy matrimony. I find it very unchristian of us that we all keep silent only for the couple to part ways a few months down the road. And for the couple, why do they waste our time? At what point do they discover that their differences are irreconcilable?

Okay, I know that a good number of couples enter marriages with sincere intentions but others just ignore the obvious, hoping the rings will magically remove all those red flags being waved in their faces. But it never happens, does it? So, before you inconvenience your family and friends with a sham wedding here are the things you cannot wish away.

General hygiene

Getting married means you will live with that person. You will also have to be intimate with them. So, if your intended leaves wet towels and a trail of clothes when they visit, let me inform you it will get worse once you are living together. Does your beloved’s breath make you thank God for masks? There will be a time when that mask comes off. In short, if you cannot stand their level of hygiene and see no possibility for change, save yourself a life of misery and quit when you still can. But if you are willing to be their personal valet and clean after them for the rest of your life, then go ahead and tie the knot.

Principles and values

In the whirlwind of romance, we sometimes forget to ascertain whether we have similar values. Again, when we see a red flag, we think the partner will change once things become official. But things such as honesty, integrity and faith are pillars of every relationship. A difference in attitude towards the above values erodes even the rosiest of marriages.

Finances

Although we have been told that money cannot buy love, believe me, money plays a very important role in a relationship. Have that honest conversation about money beforehand. Come clean about your expectations and what plans you have for earning money, saving and investing. Also, issues of how far you can go to make money should not be ignored. Some people will do anything to secure that bag while for others there is a level beneath which they cannot go.

Their other relationships

Before we meet our partners, they have a world of their own populated by family, friends and the inevitable ex. We are sorely mistaken to assume that before us they existed in a vacuum. It is always good to stay on the sidelines and observe how your partner relates with their family and friends. If a man ignores his mother’s or siblings’s call in your presence, do not lie to yourself that you are more important to him. This should alert you to the type of person they are. That will be your call a few months down the road.

Religion

Although it is possible for partners to whole heartedly embrace the other’s religions, it is good to harmonise this before the children come. I know families that part ways on Sundays, which makes their children very uncomfortable. They feel like going to their mother’s church will make them look like they do not care about their father. Do not be selfish, decide beforehand which faith your offspring will be brought up in and stick to that.

These are some of those sensitive issues that one should pay special attention to. Do not deceive yourself; there is no amount of time that will make any of these alright if you do not sort them at the beginning.

By  Sylvia Mwesigye