Questions to ask in courtship

What you need to know:

Ask those important questions so you know what is a deal breaker

Many times, while in the courtship stages of a relationship we forget to ask questions vital to how we will run and operate going forward. It is very easy to get caught up in the honeymoon stages of dating and getting to know someone and breeze right over what could potentially be deal breakers.

Dating can be a wonderful feeling when you are thinking of fun things to do as well as the excitement that comes with getting to know someone new and sharing parts of your character and getting to know theirs in order to form a bond and build something long lasting.

However, as you do all the exciting things that come with courtship, it is important to always have it at the back of your mind that you need to have those uncomfortable conversations to find out from this potential partner what things about them would irk you, what aspects about their lifestyle would be intolerable for you.

There are a few questions at the top of the list for me, I always make it a point to ask (and you guys can use this now) “Is there anybody in your life that would take offense to us getting to know each other?” This saves any unnecessary entanglement this person might possibly involve you in.

Often, when people are single, they date around and sometimes they do not realise just how intense one connection might be and that by getting to know someone else, they could be breaking the heart of another. This is the same in the case that someone has a friend with benefits who may have caught feelings and is not ready for the other to date someone else exclusively and of course for exes that may have not had any closure from the relationship and are still hanging on.

What this particular question does for you is prompt the other person to be open and transparent with you on what dealings they had recently (or are currently) having with other people that are not closed off yet.

This will in turn create space for the other party to take initiative and have a conversation with that other person in their lives to let them know that they are moving on with someone else in order to close that chapter and not have as a problem in your relationship.

I also always ask about their zodiac sign, call me crazy but I believe that astrology has a lot to do with the fabric of a person. It tells us a lot about who they are and a quick search online could help you analyse your compatibility. I know this particular one does not work for many people for various reasons but if you pay attention to astrology then this is the question for you. Check your compatibility, see how you will relate, emotionally, sexually or even just to find out if you can co-exist or if you are too different to even bother giving it a try.

A few others I see or hear in conversations past and present are “How often are you open about your feelings”, “How important is personal time to you?”, “What was your childhood like, did you grow up in a happy home that fostered the growth of a well-rounded human being?” to mention but a few. I am sure you could come up with others more close to home and that would be of more urgency to you.

But the important takeaway from this is that you need to ask those important questions so you know what is a deal breaker to you, what you feel needs further discussion or dealing with so that those issues are not showing up later in your relationship when you are more invested and they are harder to deal with.

Duration. Courtship varies both by time period and by region of the world. One way courtship varies is in the duration; courting can take days or years. In the United Kingdom, a poll of 3,000 engaged or married couples suggested an average duration between first meeting and engagement of two  years and 11 months.