Ruyaga’s 76 -year relationship is testimony that marriage is doable

John Ruyaga cuts a regal pose in his chair at his expansive family home in Kaguhanzya Village, off Bwizibwera Town, in Mbarara District.  It is a modern expansive home whose interior walls are adorned with African art. The home buzzes with positive energy and laughter from their grandchildren. John is dark and still handsome though he moves with difficulty. He is chair bound most of the time, although he can still accomplish a lot of tasks unaided.

Joyce on the other hand is light skinned and fiery although a little sad that she could not communicate with me because she has lost her hearing due to age complications. Even though she is unable to communicate, one feels her warmth and friendliness.

One of their daughters, Florence Ruyaga confirms my assumption about Joyce’s welcoming nature saying they always had a kettle of tea boiling on the fire place because their home always had guests.

John says he was born between 1923 and 1924 in Kabeezi, present day Ntungamo District.  He also confesses he would not have been able to marry Joyce who was from a well off family.

However, Joyce became unmarriageable to all the suitors in her village when she converted to the Protestant Church revival movement (Abalokole), which liberated her from confining taboos such as eating chicken and eggs. No one wanted a wife who ate chicken or eggs without any shame. At a time when girls were married off as young as 12 years old, Joyce remain unmarried until she was 19 years old.

Only suitor

Her suitor, 17-year-old John unlike other young men could not afford to be picky since having lost his father at a young age; he did not have enough resources to offer the more ‘desirable’ girls. His mother managed to pay a grand total of three cows as Joyce’s bride price and thus began a marriage that would last decades. The Ruyagas were wed on July 15, 1947 making them the longest living church wedded couple in Ankole Diocese.

On their wedding day, the bride looked radiant in her modern wedding gown with a veil and the wedding entourage was driven to the church in a bus. All these luxuries were made possible by Joyce’s brother who was at the time was a local chief and a Mulokole, who had been instrumental in the sister’s spiritual fervor.

The couple made their first home in Kabeezi but decided to relocate to Kazo, Kiruhura District in the 1950s.

Unfortunately, a lot of the pictures taken to commemorate their wedding day were lost in the 1980s when they were forced to leave their home as a result of a government policy of relocating anybody suspected of having Rwandese ancestry to the refugee camps.

Not a bed of roses

Like any other marriage, the Ruyagas have gone through trials and tribulations but the challenges made theirs strong enough to stand the test of time. Shortly after their first child was born, John was involved in accident which left him in a coma for days. The doctors at the hospital informed Joyce there was nothing to be done in such a situation. All she could do was just sit and wait.

One day, Joyce notice that her husband’s face was in much need of cleaning and against the doctor’s caution not to touch the patient, she got a piece of cloth, dipped it in some water and started cleaning his face. Whether it was response to the warmth on his face or it was his time, but as Joyce was still cleaning his face, John woke up from his coma.  Although he recovered from the accident, it left him with limited abilities, so Joyce took up the mantle of managing the day-to-day running of the family, including finances and disciplining of the children.

This burden was worsened by the 1980s political persecution, which resulted in the loss of their property, livelihood and some of their children. Joyce says if anything, these trials made them closer as they realised they needed each other to survive.

The couple was able to return from the camps and reintegrate into the community. With hard work, they were able to rebuild their home and start income generating activities which enabled them send their children to school.

Support

Through all this their anchor has been their belief in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour. Having embraced his wife’s faith, John says he always had conviction that no matter what happened, God would never abandon them. They also attribute the longevity of their marriage to belonging to social groups within the church setting such as the Mothers’ Union where Joyce regularly received support, counselling and encouragement, which sustained her marriage. 

Florence says her mother was the pillar of the family but when she needed help, her relatives John Poteli and Hezekiah Bwetabure, were always willing to lend a hand. She also notes that her mother was a very progressive woman, who throughout her life refused to be limited by taboos, especially if those taboos posed challenges to her family.

For instance, during the mothers’ union meetings, they were taught the importance of feeding children on a balanced diet. She came home one time and started feeding her children on fish and eggs which were taboo in the Bahima society where they lived. 

Florence attributes the family’s confidence to their mother who gave them emotional stability and taught them the importance of nurturing a personal relationship with God.

The couple advises other couples to abstain from threatening habits such as smoking or drinking alcohol which often cause marital strife. These two are definitely a beckon of hope for the young generation where marriage has become so fractious and adversarial.