To sustain a relationship, control your temper

Thursday January 21 2021

Christine Nakalungi

By Christine Nakalungi

Every relationship will one day face an unpleasant conversation but how you handle yourself and your partner will determine how it ends.

Tired and hungry, I decided to take a few hours to eat out as I waited for traffic to ease up. It was a quiet evening, so I decided to just stare at people as the minutes passed. I sipped my hot chocolate and searched the surrounding to see if there was anything interesting. Finally, I caught what looked like a couple in love. As I turned to look at them, the man pulled a box from his jacket pocket and got down on one knee.

I had never watched a real life proposal so I put my cup down, waiting to clap my hands after he had put a ring on her, you know like how they usually do in the movies. The woman seemed surprised, but she did not do the expected, you know how women always look surprised, shed a few tears, and scream yes.

She, instead held his hand and whispered in his ear. By then I wished I had magical hearing because I really wanted to hear every single word. He then got up, moved around for a few seconds. He swept the table with his hand breaking glasses and spilling food and drinks.

The woman bowed her head and shook it in disbelief. The man took off his jacket and threw it on the table. The hotel manager and security guard approached the table to intervene, but he started yelling. “I have spent my time and money on you, and you have the audacity to say no to me? I always knew you are a gold digger and prostitute. Who is that man you prefer? You ugly dog.” The woman stood up to leave and he grabbed her hand. “Oh no, you are not going anywhere. You belong to me and you will marry me, or I will make your life a living hell,”  he shouted.

Hotel Security approached and for a second, it felt like a movie. In a split second, the man was on the floor. The woman then begged the manager to let him go. “He is not a bad person. He just can’t control his temper. No need to involve the police, I will pay for the damage.” She then turned towards the man and said: “I love you but I cannot help you control your temper. Once you get your temper in control, I will be here waiting and ready to accept your proposal. But until then, I am sorry honey, you are better off alone.”


She gave the manager her card and they let the man go. He started apologising but surely, he was a dangerous human to live with.

If a person can go off like that in a public place, how much worse could he be in private? As she walked past my table, I could see tears in her eyes. She was literally walking away from the person she loves. Her heart was perhaps screaming stay and say yes but deep down, she knew that once she marries him, she will one day be a victim of his temper.

When the man decided to follow her, I also followed them to the parking lot. “Jessy, please help me change. I cannot imagine a life without you, I promise that I will never lay my hands on you.”

“How can I be sure,” Jessy asked.  “Because I love you,” he replied.  “You just called me a dog and a prostitute in front of everybody,” she said.

“I am sorry, I will get help. I will see a psychologist or pastor. Whatever it takes to control my temper. Please just say yes to my proposal.” He was literally on his knees, begging.  “I meant it, when you are in control of your temper, I will be here waiting,” she got into her car and drove off.