Toxic relationship habits you need to break this year

Change is an integral part of living. And if you want your relationship to get to another level, you many need to break some patterns for a better future.

Some of the perks the new year brings is a fresh start. And this can happen even on the romantic scene. Last year, according to Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, a counselling psychologist at Subbi medical centre, Namugongo, some of the key relationship issues she handled were betrayal, infidelity and addictions.

Infidelity
Infidelity issues according to Lufafa were a frequent concern. Open cheating is where one does not mind what their significant other would think if they pursued an affair mainly because they have fallen out of love or had enough misery from the other.
A relatable example is one of Fille Mutoni a local musician who had misunderstandings with then boyfriend and father of her child Edwin Katamba also known as MC Kats. He claimed Fille knocked him down after confronting her on her cheating habits.

Betrayal
Betrayal is an act of deliberate disloyalty which bears the seed of doubt in any relationship and many have fallen prey irrespective of how disloyal they might have been to their partners.
Lufafa says there were heart tearing stories that included one partner having known their health status for a good number of years but kept it a secret. This should be far from your goals this year.

Addiction
She further notes that gambling, alcohol and drug abuse are addictions that have caused mistrust in relationships. These addictions cause stress and anxiety in relationships. The partners could not fully understand what to do when they watch their loved ones destroy themselves.

Paternity fraud
Ali Male a conselling psychologist and head of counselling at YMCA Institute says paternity fraud was the worst disheartening issues he worked on as a counsellor in 2016.
“I call this overwhelming because it is mostly the children already grown who came seeking counselling on this issue when still in denial and scared of what was ahead of them after this life changing secret was revealed,” Male says.
In relation to Male’s findings, local television programmes dealing with family misunderstandings have dealt on a number of issues in regard to paternity fraud where some mothers hide the true paternity of some of their children for various reasons.

Domestic violence
Immaculate Nabukeera Mutebi a counselling psychologist at Precious Real Moments says domestic violence both physical and emotional posed a threat.

She says t mostly women were at the receiving end of both types of domestic violence which put their life at risk. The emotional violence is always through bitter words from one partner to another which does not give them peace of mind when in the relationship and seeking intervention is sometimes futile.

Mutebi shares that during one of her counselling assignments at the child and family protection unit, Katwe police station, a woman who was beaten by the husband for having faulted him on his cheating habits but still wanted to take back the husband.

Professional counselling less sought
According to Male also a member at the Uganda counselling Association (UCA), counselling is less functional in aspects of families and individual personal wellness given that the profession has for so long been associated with HIV/Aids counselling and people are seeking unprofessional counselling from the less qualified persons like relatives and elders.

UCA defines professional counselling as a relationship that empowers diverse individualism families and groups to accomplish mental health, wellness, education and career goals.

For the few that seek the professional counselling, no statistics are there to show the rate at which professional counselling is sought in Uganda.
Experts believe that if these aspects are paid attention to in the new year, there will be less heartache in relationships.

Expert take
If your partner is physically abusing you, gathering the courage, strength, and ability to leave is a long, difficult process that can be complicated by economic barriers, among other issues. So be kind to yourself, while also recognising that you do not deserve this treatment and have every right to leave the relationship.