We know when to dim the lights to avoid a collision - the Onapitos

Having attended Catherine and Francis’s wedding celebration on January 22 at Interservice Beach in Garuga, Entebbe, I arranged to meet them so they could give some insights into what it takes to make a marriage work.

On January 26, around 5pm at Kati Kati Restaurant in Kampala, Catherine Kiyai Okwi and Francis Ekomoloit Onapito get out of their car dressed in smart casual outfits and walked gently towards the gardens where I join them. Right way, it is evident that the couple love each other immensely. From checking and caring if the other’s seat was clean before sitting down to calling each other “sweetie”, it is easy to see why they have been together all this time.

The couple marked two decades of marital bliss with a joyous church ceremony surrounded by their friends, family, and colleagues. Rt Rev Michael Esakhan Okwii, the Bishop of Kumi Diocese, presided over the glamourous ceremony as Francis and Catherine exchanged vows by the lakeside.
Catherine says the event was to celebrate 20 years of marriage and the blessings they have received along the way. She adds that they agreed to celebrate their wedding at the beach because Francis loves water and natural scenery.

“It was more than a wedding, it was a celebration of life. Since I am now retired, I feel rested and have all the time in the world to enjoy all that God has in store for me and my family,” Francis says, adding that they plan to go for a honeymoon, to which there will be no timelines attached.

Meeting
Francis and Catherine’s love story began in 2001 at a communication company, where Catherine worked during her final year at university.
 “I had no idea Francis was a partner in the company. One day, we met and said hello to each other and went on with our daily duties,’’ Catherine says, adding that when they met that day, she realised that Francis had also taught her at Makerere University in her first year around 1997 and 1998 when he was still a lecturer.

Francis and Catherine met again after she had finished university. She had gone to withdraw money at Bank of Baroda in Kampala. 
“He was smartly dressed in a suit. I got to know that he was the Amuria Member of Parliament then. He asked for my number but I had been cut off from service as the tradition used to be for one to get on-line then. He asked me for Shs10,000 and bought me a service fee. When I left, we started communicating via SMS and with time, we became friends,” Catherine recounts.

Francis, however, was determined to marry Catherine and asked her on a date and it was during this date that he made his intentions clear.
“He told me he was looking for someone who was serious about settling down. I was taken aback for a moment because he is one of the people I respected. Having been my lecturer and a Member of Parliament, I did not think he would pursue me,” Catherine says.

Catherine narrates that besides being handsome, she drew closer to Francis because he cared about everything that concerned her. He called her on a daily basis and asked how she and her family were.
 She further noticed Francis’ caring character because of the way he dearly helped all the people he met. During the subsequent dates, Catherine also noticed his humorous side, which was a pleasant discovery. 
Francis notes that he wanted a confidant and someone he would go back home to after a long day. From their interactions, he learnt that Catherine was understanding and would give him a peace of mind. Plus, it did not hurt at all that she was incredibly beautiful.

In 2003, Catherine and Francis’ love matured. During one of the dates, Francis randomly asked Catherine to inform her parents that he was ready to pay them a visit. 
In 2005, Francis and his family visited Catherine’s parents in Ntinda, Kampala, marking the beginning of them living together. Subsequently, in 2010, they formalised their union with a civil marriage, followed by a luncheon.

20 years of bliss
Catherine notes that Francis has been a committed man from their dating days, which has given her stability in marriage.
“He does not say something and do the opposite. He promised to formalise our marriage which he did in 2010. His commitment to this marriage, among other things, is unwavering,” Catherine shares.

“The ability to know when to deem lights to avoid a collision has brought our marriage this far. She knows when to deem the lights and we have been able to avoid a fatal collision in our marriage that way. We understand each other and make it work,” Francis shares.
 Catherine says Francis is her friend because they share both good and bad moments. The couple often attend most events together and their friends would always question if Catherine showed up at an event alone.

“He might seem reserved but he talks. We talk and laugh a lot. He communicates how he feels about situations and he is empathetic,” Catherine explains adding that he is also very intelligent.
“He is able to engage a person and stimulate their mind. When you are stuck about something, he just opens up your mind to many possibilities on how to go about a situation,” Catherine explains.

The couple also loves praying and acknowledges that God is above everything in their marriage.
Catherine reflects on the most challenging period in her marriage, which occurred in 2020 when Francis was in Botswana and the impact of the Covid-19 pandemic unfolded. The lockdown measures resulted in their separation for more than four months, with Catherine residing in Uganda with their children while Francis remained in Botswana.

‘‘It was like having your husband in prison, with no visitation rights,’’ Catherine says adding, “It was scary and lonely.’’ Thanks to modern technology, they kept in touch on social media and through phone calls.
‘‘It was the first time I had been away from my wife for more than two weeks since our marriage. I hope it is the last too,” says Francis.
Catherine and Francis treasure their three children as they are the true embodiment of human and God’s goodness.

‘‘The births of our children was the best thing that happened and will ever happen to our marriage,’’ Cathy says.
‘‘We struggle to live away from them for even a moment,’’ Francis adds.

In case of a disagreement
“We were raised differently and so we acknowledge this fact. We disagree on different things but what we want to achieve stands out at the end of the day. For example, things we want for our children may vary, so I try to step back to see his view point and vice versa.” Catherine explains. 

Balancing marriage and work
Last year, Francis retired from Nile Breweries Limited (NBL) after 17 years as the company’s legal and corporate affairs director and was installed as the Nile Breweries Board Chairman while Catherine resigned from Newplan Limited, an engineering firm that she had worked for since 2018.
Together with her colleagues, Catherine is currently running Ipapero Foundation, a community based humanitarian organisation.
Francis asserts that maintaining a close-knit family while excelling in his career was not a challenging endeavour for him.

 “My way of balancing work and family was easy; I made family part of the workplace and the workplace part of my family,” says Francis.
When he was actively working for NBL, Francis’ children and wife were always around the company premises and during most of the functions, they would be present.
“When I had something to accomplish at work, I would pick them from school and bring them to work first before going home,” says Francis.

Takeaway
“You should need the person you are marrying. While love may be about physical appearance for some, it goes beyond that,” says Francis, adding that if partners need each other in their lives they will not struggle to make their marriage work.
He notes that is it important to appreciate that a wife and a husband are two different people and, therefore, they should not try to change each other or take over each other’s roles.

 “A person is formed and they cannot be changed especially in adulthood, so you must find a way of living with them and appreciating them the way they are. Eventually, the bad will disappear and melt into the good side of them,” Francis tips.

Catherine advises young people to take their time and get married once ready. Sometimes, sex clouds judgment and vision because it is just physical. She says it is crucial to pursue kindness when looking for a partner.