Women reject me because I am short

Thursday January 14 2021
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By Monitor Team

I am now in my 30s and would like to find the right woman, settle down and start a family. However, a number of women I have asked out on a date have rejected me because I am short. In most cases, even when they do not wear high heels, I still end up being shorter. Only one woman was truthful while breaking up with me while others just walk away and end all contact. What can I do?  Anonymous

Dear anonymous,
Body image issues are common and can be a big hindrance to a meaningful social life. Height and physical appearance in general are among the things we as human beings have no control over and cannot change. For some, it might be colour or race but the bottom line here is to take note of things that you can be in control of such as your behaviour and your self-worth.

It is true that most women have a preference for taller men but it is also evident that so many get married to men who are shorter than them. Build your inner self-esteem and confidence and have radical self-acceptance. Try not to be caught up in other people’s definition of you and how they would have wished you to be. What are you good at? Are you funny? Smart, humorous? Do you have a particular skill or hobby you are good at? Spend your inner strength building on what you are already good at. 

Teach people how to treat you by valuing yourself and accepting yourself.  You might be struggling with a childhood poor self-image that you need to overcome by finding help. People with an injured self-image are easily angered and overly defensive, which makes them preoccupied with self-defeating thoughts of how other people think about them. 

There are attributes that are shared regardless of race, colour, or height such as humour and confidence, which attract people to others. A partner who rejects you due to height is just not meant for you. There are many ladies out there waiting for a man with inner strength and leadership qualities. Before you look for a new relationship, take time and learn to accept yourself, value who you are, and know that people have diverse tastes and preferences. 

Some with a superficial eye will value height, and those who value who the actual individual is may not be taken up by height. Accept that out of the many who may turn your request down, at least there will be one meant for you regardless of your height. Learn more about what women value in a man and relationships through reading self-help books and also, seek relationship coaching from experts.


Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, Counselling psychologist

Reader advice

Do not be desperate
Stella Acola. The right person for you will never reject you for being short, tall, fat, thin, crippled or whatever way God has made you. They will always accept, cherish, love and care for you the way you are. So, do not judge and also, do not be desperate because you may end up with someone who will just drain you emotionally, financially and by the time you get the right person you will not be fit to take care of her in the most appropriate way.
Talk to a counsellor
John Matovu. For a long time I felt the same way and would already judge myself before even going out on a date. I realised that I would see women rejecting me even before they did because I believed that I was not worthy of their love. Talking to a counsellor helped a lot because they made me realise all the other positive attributed that I have. I am now married to the most beautiful woman I know and are raising a beautiful family together. You are your own stumbling block.

They do not deserve you
Justus Mugerwa. If someone rejects you for something you have no control over, then they do not deserve you at all. Focus on building your career and self-esteem at the moment. At the right time, the right person will come. Do not try to look while feeling like this because you will end being hurt the more.

Believe in yourself
Prynce Samuel Prynce. Just believe in yourself. Height has never been used as a measure of someone’s capabilities. You need to boost your self-esteem and appreciate yourself first.

Search yourself
Eunice Gift Faviours. Being short cannot be the only reason. There are many short men who have fallen in love with women who love and respect them for who they are and have built happy families together.  So, sit down and think. You still have time to fix what is missing.

Where are you looking?
Fred Daniels. You are most likely looking in the wrong places. Most women do not actually date size or height. Your self-esteem and financial status plays a big role in finding a good woman, not forgetting your character and values.

Fix your appearance
C’zar Engorit. Do not mind. Cut your cloth according to your coat. I bet you have come across women who are shorter than you. Secondly, work on branding yourself. Work hard and make sure that you are neat, dress well, are polite and speak good into your life. Your general confidence will win you the woman of your dreams.

Wait for the right one 
Jerry Obba. I have met countless men who have married women taller than them. Besides, what is your definition of the right woman? Be careful, life has more important things to worry about. Do you have any control over your height? For now, focus on making yourself better and loving yourself for who you are. The right woman will fall in love with your confidence.