Wama, are Ugandans lazy?

There is a debate that never ends on these streets. It is the debate of last resort. If you have no content, you can stand on the streets and shout; ‘Ugandans are lazy.’ If someone asks why Ugandans cannot find jobs, just explain that they are lazy. Mbu Ugandans despise hard work. We want things easy.

And the argument is not complete until Ugandans are compared to their brothers in Kenya. You see why all hotels get Kenyan managers is because they are hardworking. Mbu a Ugandan manager will want to take a day off occasionally. A Ugandan employee is always killing a relative, having a sick baby, is caught up by the rain. Ahem, mbu Ugandans and time. Ugandans decide what time it is, for Ugandans, time can be constructed.

But you see if you meet a Gravity Omutujju, you may judge Ugandans quite harshly. When a person says, ‘Ugandans are lazy’, there is a likelihood they are the lazy Ugandan. It takes a lazy Ugandan to spot another lazy one. It is usually a pot-bellied man, or a woman with a Janet hair-cut spewing such.

But may be Ugandans are lazy. See even our President still needs burglar proofing in his home. See him at the farm, almost zero mechanisation. You know, maybe we are lazy. What else explains a scenario of hiding billions under the bed? This is laziness of the mind. At least cause some inflation like Bad Black. Become a Sipapa of sorts. But keeping money under the bed? What in the heavens! 

And maybe when it comes to drinking, Ugandans are lazier than Kenyans. After two drinks, a Ugandan starts to worship the sponsor. He becomes vulnerable. You start to hear dying statements. ‘Benja, you are my guy, my bro, you understand me.’ Add Ugandans a second bottle and the next confession comes around; ‘you see my great-grandfather in-law was too rich, but this government frustrated him. That is why I am suffering.’ Ugandans and their drunk stories. Within every drunk story, there is a son or daughter of the 1986 liberators, there is an intelligent chap that is misunderstood at work. When it comes to the bottle, Ugandans are lazy. For a Kenyan, it will be after 20 drinks that you will get some vulnerability. But it could be in the food.

Soup is making Ugandans lazy. Every time just soup, soup this, soup that. For Kenyans, it is ugali and nyama. Everything is hard food. Do this and you cannot help but harden. Now how shall a Ugandan raised on soup ever beat a Kenyan to the drink. On the drinks, yes, Ugandans are lazier than Kenyans.
And then Kenyan porridge is another one. Have you guys tried ujii power? It is a nuclear weapon. Never risk with a man raised and bred on ujii power? Anything goes with ujii power. Imagine a grind of everything that can be ground. Now that could explain the hardness of Kenyans.

But on a serious note, Ugandans are not lazy, they just do not know how to do the talk. Ugandans seek perfection. They do not know the spirit of Jua Kali. The spirit of saying; ‘I do not know how to do it, but I will patch it.’ Not for our neighbours next door, those people talk a good talk. Talk and talk. And wewe, they have the Jua Kali spirit. The spirit of finding a way out, of doing it in some way. If it moves, you can perfect it later. Ugandans seek first the spirit of perfection. Ugandans never apply for jobs unless they tick all the boxes.

Mbu for our neighbours next door, if they have ever heard of the word, they can do the job. If they had a sister that was once a programmer, they believe they too are programmers. If you know someone who can do it, you can do it. Spirit of Jua Kali people. Ugandans fear failure. We only try things we are sure of. The Jua Kali people just jump and see what the world brings.
Are Ugandans lazy? Yes, but in talk. Ugandans need to learn some big words. 

Words such as climate financing, the emerging economies, the political economy of Marx. Ugandans must learn to scare their audience, to prop themselves up, to blow their trumpets. Ugandans are lazy in these aspects. They are too humble for one’s liking. Like can’t you claim some random things? Can’t you claim that you are the first person in the world to translate Mozart into Luganda? Do something Ugandans, scare the world with your talk. Yes, Ugandans are too lazy in this field. The expatriates mastered the art of rhetoric. Ugandans are lazy at rhetoric.

That said, Ugandan men do not understand gifting. Neither do the women. Beyond money, most people cannot get creative when it comes to gifts. It is always the same basic fragrance. Think of a Valentino Donna for once. or Bvlgari men in black. Do not be lazy people. Not in these affairs of the heart.  
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