Loving through chastisement

“Mommy, please pay for my football session,” he pleaded with me. This was the fourth time he was pleading.

I sat in my chair and looked down. “Mommy, please!”  He went again. I composed myself, prayed silently and looked at him and gave him a very firm, NO!

Who said being a parent is as easy as eating a piece of cake? Who said it was as automatic as counting 1, 2, and 3?

It took me strength and goodwill to say no. I had to look past my emotions. It took a whole lot of firmness that only comes from looking at the bigger picture.

The young man in our household loves football. It’s the one thing that seems to completely carry his undivided attention. He firmly believes his future is all about football. He can mention all the acclaimed world footballers and envisions himself playing on the international scene.

Many years ago, I decided I won’t be a dream killer. So, in as many ways possible, there’s all the support for this love for soccer. He plays in a football academy although this comes at a handsome cost.

Playing football today isn’t the way my brothers played football in our neighbourhood when we were growing up. Today, you must invest in the hobby from soccer boots, jerseys, training fees accompanied by transport costs to and from the training ground.

The challenge is that the young man hasn’t applied himself in other areas of life, which has created a huge imbalance. Significant areas that have suffered grossly are academics and school grades.

We live in interesting times where many people scorn at going to school because many who have gone to school haven’t necessarily gotten what they were promised out of school; that they would go to school, score good grades and live a good life. Many with excellent academic qualifications are unemployed. That is a glaring fact!

But, an unschooled life has its own set of big challenges. To go through life minus formal education also has its implications. Education plays a big role in setting ground for the future let alone the fact that at school, we learn skills and experiences which shape and greatly impact our overall well-being. Against this background is my firm conviction that the young man must improve his school grades. I have tasked him to rethink strategies of scoring better grades in school.

This requires discipline and commitment and that sometimes means denying him some pleasures.  My no sets a standard and in his pain and frustration, he is working towards the delicate but essential balance. In denying him, I’m loving him by chastisement.