Unsolicited advice to Kampala’s single-for-too-long women
Dear unmarried woman,
We appreciate that the life we lead is a ball game of choices. Even living is a choice we make because we can choose to extinguish our lives through suicide. Therefore, I’m fully aware that some women are 47, 38 and 60 and still single by choice. They just love it that way, unmarried!
Some, however, are victims entangled in the labyrinth of novelist Julius Ocwinyo’s Fate of the Banished. We do empathise with you; we feel with you, we feel for you. Keep the hope alive and if you choose not to remarry, we respect that choice.
What, therefore, is the gist of today’s communique? Today’s notelet is addressed to particularly those single women beyond the morally acceptable age by which one is expected to be a wife. And they are still in the search dungeons, waiting for Mr Right to come sweep them off their feet.
Of course, you shall ask what the morally acceptable age is. You won’t find it in the Quran, Bible or Constitution of the Republic of Uganda. American jurist, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., calls it the reasonable man test.
No scientific, legal or established moral code as such but if surely by 38 or 43 you are still posting on Facebook about future hubby, then you surely fail the reasonable woman test. You have overstayed in the single girls’ pavilion.
And this is why. For starters I’m no expert on these things. I don’t even qualify to be “lecturing” you. I’m actually a little boy, about 21 years of age, but you can be sure I know the world fairly enough to discern some of these things and besides, knowledge isn’t and shouldn’t be exclusive to age.
So put all thy prejudice aside. This is my humble ignorant view as to why you are single.
You are simply unbearable
I interact with men and women, young and old, educated and non-educated, rich and poor but the golden thread that is woven through the character of many of you single women is personality disorders. You quarrel at the slightest irritation. You gossip too much.
You are selfish. You are self centred, and have a larger than life demeanour worsened by inflated self-importance. Check yourself. You certainly can’t be married with this baggage.
No man is ready for your hell. A man wants a woman who can live and let live, accept a weakness here and appreciate a strength there. Not madam idealistic who is awful.
You think you are too good
Yes, you think you are too beautiful and brilliant for all the men who have approached you. Sometimes, just because you have a law degree or an MBA and wrapped up school with flying colours.
Oh please! Actually you are scatterbrained. Mad even, because the world teaches us emotional intelligence, it imparts in us social skills to handle life as it comes.
The reason no man can put up with you is that you are actually “too much” because you think so highly of yourself. Come on and calm down.
You are unrealistic and immature
I know of women in this town who at over 30 are single mothers still searching, but hold your breath… “I want a man with a six pack...”, “I want a loaded man...” “A man with a sweet accent, British nose, Irish feet and Salvador’s eyes...” Are you nuts? Which human being will fit into all those adjectives you seek in a man! Grow up, woman!
Walk out of the high school world of fantasies. You surely can’t be a mother of two and are still searching for those crazy, out of the world qualities.
Wake up, be more realistic, and learn a thing or two about social intelligence, or remain single forever.
Women men shun
1. Miss “extremely jealous. She is always very distrusting and suspicious and even though she might have been hurt in the past, this is not an excuse for behaving like this in all her relationships.
2. Miss “bossy”. At first, a man might think that this trait is kind of cute, that he likes a woman who is ambitious and knows what she wants, but after a while, he will realise that things are a bit different and he will “feel like he is in grammar school being told what to do by his second grade teacher.” So, if you recognise yourself in my description, try to do something about it and be more approachable.
3. Miss “playing games”. Maybe at first, a #man will be intrigued by a hard-to-get lady, but after a while he will want to be with someone who is a bit nicer and more stable. So, no matter how tempting it may seem, stop playing games with his heart!.
4. Miss “I have nothing else going on”. Men love a woman who knows what she wants, who makes plans that don’t necessarily involve him, who has a goal in her life and who doesn’t live only for him and for seeing him happy. So ladies, no matter how in love you might be, don’t forget about yourself or about your dreams!
5. Miss “daddy issues”. Experts said that this type of woman usually dates older and powerful men because deep down, she is actually looking for a father figure and not a partner whom she will want to marry someday. After a while, he will realise that his special lady has a couple of issues that she needs to resolve if she wants to settle down with him.
6. Miss “high maintenance”
While there are some men who like high maintenance women, many won’t dare marry someone who needs to be waited on hand and foot. Someone who never cooks, cleans or does much of anything besides demand the very best of everything might have a hard time finding someone who wants to spend their life catering to their partner’s needs.
-love.allwomenstalk.com
