What confident people will not do to make relationships work

Going by social media conversations on relationships (whether friendship, platonic, dating or marriage), I have read and interacted with lately, people care about their relationships and they want them to work.  In so doing, they avoid anything that would jeopardise them. Here are things a confident person should never do in a relationship to make it work. 

Seek validation

 Insecure people depend on someone or something for their validation. Whom they relate with or what they do or own defines who they are. They throw notable names around in their conversations to impress their hearers that they are someone, but inwardly they mask an inferiority complex. Their happiness (or lack of it) depends on someone or something.

Confident people, however, need no validation from the outside; they have it inside of them. They do not gamble on someone else’s feelings for them. They may not have it all but they are confident they are growing. If they are single, they love themselves enough so they are not looking for someone to compare, compete with, or complete but to complement them.   

Inquire too much about their partner’s past

You are dating this person and they told you they have broken up with one or two people before. You feel the pressure to impress them and not make the same mistake their exes made, so you inquire about what went wrong in those relationships and they let you in up to a point. That should suffice. Confident people do not turn themselves into detectives, asking for the nitty-gritty about their partner’s ex relationships, especially the intimate details.

Assume a partner’s thoughts

Unhealthy, insecure relationships are characterised by one partner assuming thoughts for the other partner, most of which can be inaccurate and will most likely create fights.

Silence is golden, so they say, but not in a healthy relationship. We never fully understand people, unless we communicate with them regularly and at a deeper emotional level. You cannot be reading your partner’s mind. A confident partner does not assume for their partner; they ask the hard questions and expect honest answers. No conversation should be off limits, after all it is a relationship, if they cannot ask their partner, whom should they ask?    

Drop everyone and relate

 Someone gets into this one relationship and suddenly ghosts everyone they have related with before or changes their hobbies to fit the mold their crush has determined for them. Confident people do not do that. They have hobbies or interests they share with their partner, but also have a life outside of their relationship. They have independent interests, social life and enjoy themselves, and take care of their needs and the needs of others.   

Act needy

No one wants to be around needy people, all the time. They are a drain emotionally and financially, they are like leeches. They never give, but always take. They are always lost in the woods, they need saving all the time. However generous someone is to you, if you are a confident person you will find something to give back to them. You will bring something to the table too.

Confident people might be needy, sometimes, but will also not be in your face all the time; they will carry themselves with an aloofness that creates scarcity effect, which place a high value on themselves and end up being desired. Yes, confident people can be open and vulnerable to some, but not with everyone.  

Compromise their values

 Confident people are never afraid to confront or call their partner or friend to order, when their non-negotiable values are violated. They are not blinded by love, but rather their eyes are opened by it. They do not control or manipulate others, but they will not sweep serious dirt under the carpet in the name of preserving a relationship.

They would rather have it straight or not at all. They will not put up with bad behaviour, unfaithfulness, fakeness, and wannabes for fear that the relationship will fail. Because they love you so much, they are interested in your growth, as a person. To them, peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to conflict and still come out as friends and partners. To them, that is a healthy relationship.    

Discreet

Secretive people have a lot of work to do to conceal and keep a tight lid on their secrets, which in most cases are not good to tell or hear. This can, in the long run, translate into poor health, anxiety, and depression, according to scientific research. But we knew this before science proved it.

Ask King David about it. In Psalms 323:5, he admits, “When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away through groaning all the day long…My energy (vitality, strength) was drained away, as with the burning heat of summer.” Confident people do not wait to waste away. They are not secretive. They are open to the degree, the type and depth of relationship require of them. 

Blame others for their faults

 Insecure people never apologise or admit errors. They are full of themselves. They think to do so would diminish their ego. They always blame others for their faults. Not so with confident people; they know their strengths and weaknesses. They are the first to apologise because they are not afraid to own up and take responsibility for their mistakes and make efforts to change. They know that to err is human and to apologise is divine. 

They are not jealous

 A little jealousy is okay. It shows you care about your partner, but excessive jealousy is questionable. Confident people let their partners be, even if their partners are better or gifted than them. They allow their partners the freedom to be themselves, meet, and enjoy the company of others. They are thrilled by their partner’s success and the attention their partners get from others. Their partner’s success, is their success too. They encourage rather than belittle or criticise them.