Dinner time, bringing the family closer

I was struck by how mealtimes at a friend’s house was not a family affair. Everyone just grabbed their food and disappeared in their room or whatever part of the rambling mansion they chose to eat from.

After spending a whole day and night in that household and barely saying two words to the rest of the family, I begun longing for the warm conversation on my own family’s table and most of all the companionship of sitting down to eat together.

It was a rule for every family member to report to the table at supper time, and nothing short of death could get you out of it. I remember sitting grumpily silently cursing at that table, when I felt my little teenage world was falling apart, or when I had a falling out with my parents and still had to sit at the same table with them and share a meal. But I also remember many happy moments on that old table, laughing hilariously at my dad’s narrations of his lively childhood and school days, or just listening to my family discussing day- to- day issues.

Joseph Musaalo, a counselling psychologist says there is enough research to prove that the family that eats together actually stays together. “The mealtimes foster a feeling of warmth and create a sense of belonging among family members especially the teenagers,” he says.

Musaalo calls family meals a time for the members to connect, enquire from each other’s lives and experiences and share information. “It is also a way to give extra attention to the children and also learn from each other which makes it really sad that very few families ever take the time to sit down and eat together,” he reveals. The counselling psychologists thinks that today’s habits of microwave dinners and take aways are to blame for the abandoning of family meal times.

Howard K, a father, knows how important the family meal time is but says it is almost impossible for him to do so. “The competitive world of pressure where I work makes sure most of my evenings are also occupied. Lunch is out of question because children are at school and even if they weren’t, there are also those lunch meetings.” He thinks that the reason our parents could easily keep the family mealtime a tradition was because work was essentially a nine to five affair.

The practice of eating together as a family is fading. Families have to deal with crazy work schedules, homework, video games, subscription TV, face book, after school activities, gym and endless social engagements after work. “It is just tough to get a family sitting down together on the same table at the same time,” says Quinn a 21- year -old student who lives with her parents in Bukoto. Her family has had the supper at eight rule for as long as she can remember but it has now become harder and harder for all her siblings and both parents to make it home on time.

But even with all the demands of modern life, this is one practice the family institution cannot afford to lose. Musaalo reminds parents that the family mealtime is a perfect opportunity to teach table manners and socialising skills. It also helps build a culture of healthy eating and this in turn leads to a healthier lifestyle. He says that meals eaten at home tend to be healthier and more balanced. “Not to say that a family meal cannot be in a restaurant, nothing brings a family together more than a meal, and this sharing is not limited to the dinner table at home.” Musaalo says.

Family meal times are also a good time to expand your children’s knowledge and teach them about other cultures using food. Make meal time more than just about eating by adding more food items to the menu, different tastes textures, and new food items. You can begin with the available foods in the country then slowly expand to foods from other cultures. For example, you can serve different types of vegetables in addition to the usual dodo, or serve a Chinese or Indian dish once in a while. “Food can help educate your children about nutrition, saving money and accepting other people’s cultures,” says Musaalo.

Throwing in the occasional treat, like pizza or ice-cream for dessert keeps the younger children looking forward to the next family dinner. However, Musaalo asks parents to be careful about using coercion or bribes on little children all the time because they might get used to it and never really understand the whole family mealtime concept.

Ideas for the family meal date

Sit at the table. Regularly sitting down at a table to share a meal as a family today may take a little sacrifice, creativity and what Dr Musaalo calls a lot of patience. Here are a few pointers on how to make this practice part of your family programme.· Organise small family gatherings where people can meet each other often and get to know how everyone else is doing.

Consider everyone. When picking a date and time for family meals, think about each and every member of the family. Say for example you choose supper at nine because the father is home by then, you should also consider the children who might be dozing away because it is well past their bedtime. A family meal should not be rushed so pick a time when everyone has some time to spare.

Keep the mood light and relaxed. “While the time spent at the table can be a great time to teach etiquette and model manners, parents should avoid being too critical,” says Dr Musaalo. It is after all a time to get together and build the family spirit and if the family members begin to associate it with tension and pressure, the whole meaning is lost. Unpleasant conversation and confrontations should not be brought to the table and it is a parent’s duty to lead by example. Show the younger family members what you want the family dinner to be like.

Be creative. Anything will catch on once the targeted people deem it interesting. It doesn’t hurt to vary the family meals or even the meal times. Though suppertime is the most popular meal families share, breakfast and lunch qualify, and in between, there is brunch and evening tea.There is no rule against setting your family mealtime in the weekend, or anytime that the family can come together.Picnics, going out to the restaurant, barbecues are all ways the family dinner can be more interesting and so is cooking together where every member is responsible for a certain dish.