Can a teenager handle sexual technology exposure? 

With the information age exploding through television, music videos, video games and the Internet, there is growing concern about whether teenagers’ exposure to sexual content from media sources may have effects on their sexual behaviours and attitudes. While newer media sources such as the Internet remain largely unstudied, there is a small body of literature linking sexual messages through television and teenagers’ sexual behaviours and attitudes.

While all age groups potentially could be affected by sexual messages on television, adolescents may be particularly vulnerable for a number of reasons.
You happen to be passing by your son’s room and suddenly set the door open. Your eyes are met with the image of him masturbating to a porn video on his phone. The panic! 
What do you do? Break down? Hurry to shut the door?
 Scream? Kneel? 

More than shock, this scenario will gather mounds of shame and worry for you and the child. 
The reality is, this and more is most likely happening when teenagers are left to their own devices. Many are swimming carelessly in the freedom of tickling their phone, laptop or tablet screens. They are not old enough to decipher the effects or consequences of their actions, such as addiction. 

According to an article published in Psychology Today, an online magazine, “Overexposed and Underprepared: The Effects of Early Exposure to Sexual Content”, from a research by Carolyn C. Ross, it is noted that media messages normalise early sexual experimentation and portray sex as casual, unprotected and consequence-free, encouraging sexual activity long before children are emotionally, socially or intellectually ready.

Henry Nsubuga, the director- Counselling and Guidance Centre, Makerere University, says any exposure that is not age appropriate is not good for anyone and it is worse for adolescents because their emotional brain is still predominant over the thinking part of the brain (the pre-frontal cortex). They are likely to get addicted or misuse the sexual-related content they are exposed to and this could lead to other problems such as unwanted pregnancies and  STIs .

Parents who come off as perfect
As a parent, how do you react when you realise that your teenager is a victim of exposure to sexual content?
It is easy for a parent to come at their child with words of disgrace, filling up with the desire to discipline the child with canes or even grounding them from operating any technological device. 

A number of parents are often lecturing their children and there is no place left for debate and discussion. This is an approach of “perfection” which is not a realistic way to discipline a teenager, with the hope that they will learn and change immediately for the better. Parents are not perfect either; they have most likely made some similar or related mistakes.
 
Showing yourself as perfect does not help set the child right. It only puts them off and could easily breed resentment between a parent and their child. Instead, seek to understand your teenager’s choices by making debate or discussion around their actions. This kind of conversation will help them open up since they will feel like they are being treated as the independent adults they consider themselves  to be.
  
It even helps if a parent takes the trouble to share his/her own experience. This not only makes your child respect you more but gives them a realistic example to learn from; at this point, they will emulate their parent’s courage to rise from the slime and move forward to more stable ground. 
When the child eventually picks the lesson, it will be longer lasting than it could have been if their parent came at them with force and anger.  The child will be able to return  to you and listen. 

What can parents do?
Understand the mind of your teenager
Do not hurry to dismiss your teenagers’ actions as evil and horrendous. The gratification that teenagers derive from these relationships is sometimes borne of peer pressure and at this age, it is supposed to be “cool”.
Bob T. Kasaija, 14, is clear about what a person of his age seeks from virtual intimate relationships when he says “it’s all about companionship, flirting and feeling nice. It is not wrong to have girlfriends on the phone because then, you get to have someone special calling you names such as honey, sweetheart, babe and more.” 
A parent has to handle this more carefully as  it can cause a psychological  breakdown if you do not listen to such reasons.

Be a source of  guidance
Parents must not delegate the  role of parenting to aunts, uncles and teachers but they should take time to guide their teenagers. 
Note that children do not just learn on their own. Parents have the power to change their developing children’s perspectives on life by offering lessons on disciplines that should guide them on the journey of responsible living.  Teenage is the perfect time for a parent to stand as a guiding light and they  must then be very tactical about how to shine a bright light on their teenager’s journey.

Peter Kalule, a father of boys, has managed to deal with this dilemma  by creating open channels for conversation and an environment where they freely share.
 “I talk about cases of unsuccessful early sexual exploration, through open talk and entertainment such as movies. This definitely portrays a picture of shame and helps them decide to take the more honourable road.”
Another parent (name withheld),  brings up spiritual contexts to the discussions. “That way, even if my children are exposed to sex through their gadgets, they will have their mother’s opinion at the back of their minds and be able to make guided decisions. “

Monitor what  children do on their gadgets
Dr Sheba Gitta, a mother of three boys, shares her experience about how she’s been able to mitigate the risks of exposures to technology with her teenagers:
“My biggest concern was the virtual friendships my teenagers have, especially from the virtual games they play. They form a relationship from the interaction and there is a risk; these are people from different parts of the world and we have different values and cultures. The only thing bringing them together is the virtual platform,” Dr Gitta says. 

She has managed to mitigate the dangers by talking to them about how dangerous it might be growing close to virtual people. 
“I have shared with them literature around the dangers of virtual relationships and watched with them a series whose plot hinged on a story of rape, resulting from virtual relationships.
“Then we had a conversation thereafter to show them the reality of how bad it can get. I encourage them to nurture real friendships with people they go to school with in order to balance out so they don’t have to rely on only virtual people for companionship. I also pray about it and entrust my children to the care of the Lord since I am not with them all the time,” she adds.
 
The issue of sex
Regarding sex, Dr Gitta has had to emphasise  “Books Before Babies”. It is their household tagline. “I encourage them to just have friends and not get into sex, I tell them ‘this is not yet the time, you are not yet emotionally or physically ready. There is a lot that the world has to offer, are you sure that is the person you want for a partner?  ‘Ten to 20 years from today, your perspective on life would have broadened and changed. Do you want to tie yourself down now?’ 
Most importantly, she says, give them the space to talk, ask questions and interact with them freely. She took her sons  for  the Boys’  Mentorship Programme which is a holistic programme not only focused on boy-girl relationships but broad.
“They learnt how children should relate with their parents, siblings and people of the opposite sex, they were taught personal responsibility, part of which is not being involved in sexual relationships and more...” she says.

Approach your teenager more calmly 
It is more about setting boundaries and having the child understand, through a calm, firm and loving approach, that the pressure which comes with the sexual awareness and exploration is heavy. 
It helps to have an open-door policy so that your teenager can walk in and talk to you when faced with this kind of pressure.

Remember that  media influence for example, advertising is often directed at children and teenagers. This means that children and teenagers are increasingly conscious of brands and images.
It  might include sexualised images and content on Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook and YouTube. It might also include violent imagery and coarse language in news media, documentaries, video games and some lyrics. This can suggest that certain ways of behaving and looking are ‘normal’.

The deal
Understanding teenagers and technology can seem a little overwhelming. It sometimes seems like teenagers’ lives revolve around their phones and technology. From the internet and social media, to phones, apps, games, television and other types of technology, technology is increasingly becoming an essential part of our lives. 
Young people use the internet and social media to:
connect with, comment on and discuss things with others, through social networking, emailing and online messaging; find, create or share interesting photos, videos and articles; join or follow interest groups;
play online games; learn more about topics that interest them; and as a study tool for school.

TIT BITS
Henry Nsubuga, the director of  Counselling and Guidance Centre, Makerere University, advises that parents must watch out to children distancing themselves from other people and make sure that the content they are exposed to is important to them. Neuroscience has found that people of ages 12 to 24 can easily get creative with what they are exposed to because the emotional part of their brain is very strong. 

A rather superior danger of early sexual exposure without understanding its role in relationships can be the misfortune of exploration with many sexual partners and an increased risk of sexual violence. Teenagers may not be able to control themselves when faced with sexual pressures and exposures. This is why they need parenting and guidance. 

The deal
Understanding teenagers and technology can seem a little overwhelming. It sometimes seems like teenagers’ lives revolve around their phones and technology. From the internet and social media, to phones, apps, games, television and other types of technology, technology is increasingly becoming an essential part of our lives. 
Young people use the internet and social media to:
connect with, comment on and discuss things with others, through social networking, emailing and online messaging;
find, create or share interesting photos, videos and articles;
join or follow interest groups;
play online games;
learn more about topics that interest them; and
as a study tool for school.
-parents.au.reachout.com